13 Things I've Never Done
by Rosalie McCarty
Summary: Sequel to How to Lose a Vampire in 10 Days. While playing a game the gang realizes that Edward and Bella have done hardly anything. So they are trying to expand their horizons by making them do thirteen things they've never done.
1. Prologue

**Sequel to How to Lose a Vampire in Ten Days. This is the prologue to get everybody back on track of where things are. Yay! I'm super excited about this. I'll get the next and possibly most important chapter out here soon!**

EPOV

"Um…train-station." She guessed.  

"Nope. Try again." I hid my smug smile.  

She pouted. "Hmm…Disney Land?"  

I laughed that time. "Not even close."  

"Mrs. Beaver's Dam." She said seriously like it was obvious. "Of course. That's where you are taking me."

  I laughed as I picked up her hand and entwined it with mine. "Close very close."  

"Seriously?"  

"Nope. Try again." Hiding my smirk was impossible now.  

"Okay, Seriously Edward. Where on earth are you taking me? I have to graduate tomorrow and I really don't want to look like a zombie and have circles under my eyes." As she said the last part she got a little quieter and smiled.  

"What?" I tilted my head at her. Its frustrating not knowing what's going on up there.  

Bella leaned over and traced under my eyes with her finger. "Though…I wouldn't object to having your dark circles under my eyes."

  Before I could open my mouth and tell her that she didn't know what she was asking for, she kissed my lips gently, shutting me up.  

I leaned back in my seat and sighed.

  I took my eyes off the road and stared at my Bella. While tangling my fingers through hers, I said quietly. "I love you."

  Smiling brilliantly, she looked back at me.

"I love you too." She kissed my hand. "But I would love you a lot more if you told me where you are taking me."

  I shook my head. She's been so nosey lately. Well, Let my take that back. She has always been nosey, but the last two months she's been extremely uptight about things. For instance, Alice, Emmett, Jasper and I all tried to give her a surprise birthday last year. Keeping secrets in our family is not one of our strong suits, so for three weeks we were kind of acting a little strange. Correction; stranger than usual. Bella totally freaked out. She was worried and terrified according to Jasper. I think she was worried that we were going to leave her…either that or eat her.  

"Bella." I said calmly. "Relax." I kissed each of her finger tips, and then her engagement ring that still didn't have a companion to go with it.  

I sighed when I saw it, thinking of how Bella didn't want to get married before she was out of college.  I can understand. I'm a vampire for Pete's sake; I have all the patience in the world…except for this. But that wasn't my decision.

  I pinched the bridge of my nose with my free hand and leaned back in the seat.  

"Edward." Bella started shyly. I nodded my head for her to continue. "I really don't want to die today." She said in a soft, scared voice.  I looked down at her and she was in the fetal position, in the front seat.

I scrunched my face up trying to figure out what was wrong.

  I reached out to pull her into my lap…oh.  

I put my hands back on the steering wheel with vampire speed, and tried to hide my smile. I heard Bella relax and gave her my smile that I knew would quicken her heartbeat and make her blush. She loved my crooked smile as much as I loved the way she loved it.  

"So." Bella started again.. "Where are you taking me?"

  I laughed. "Bella, I've been driving for about…five hours now and I've been going a steady one-twenty…that's all I'm going to say."  

She probably could guess the area now, but not the specific place.  

"Nooo." She shook her head, but grinned all the same. "The Olympic Peninsula?" Her eyes gleamed with hope.  

"The one and only, my love."  

"But where?" She stared out the window trying to see anything familiar that passed by in a blur.  

"That…you're just going to have to wait to find out." I smirked as Bella groaned

xxxxxxxxxx

  "You do realize by this point that I hate surprises." She tried to raise her eyebrows at me, but my hand was covering her eyes.  

"Alright, alright. Hold on. No. Back up a little. Okay. You can open them." I let go of her face.   I watched her face as it turned from anger to confusion to realization to extreme joy.  

"EDWARD!" she screamed and wrapped her arms around my cold stiff shoulders. I smiled brightly and squeezed her back gently. "Or…should I say Kenny." She smiled.   

"Or Eli." I suggested, remembering the night we first met. I grabbed her around the waist. "Come on. The gang's all in their waiting for us."   I whispered in her ear as I lead her into the Dawn&Dusk bar. 

**--**

**Yay! So, what do you think is gonna happen? please review!**


	2. I Never

**Alright Business before pleasure. this chapter sets everything up! Enjoy!**

We sat around the table, so, of course I'm the only one that orders anything.

Everyone looks extremely happy. Either because we're all together again or they're still thinking about how the manager tried to flirt with Alice and Rosalie… then when that didn't work he tried flirting with Jasper. Ha! I'm sorry, but I think that's funny.

"Alright!" Emmett exclaimed standing up, holding a spoon and banging on his pinky finger. "Bella's graduating!"

"Whooahaooo!" They all cheered.

"And then! Her life will be over…because she will be marrying our brother!" Emmett laughed and Edward scowled. "So let's celebrate Bella's first graduation!"

They all hammered lightly on the table.

"They'll be many more. Sorry." Jasper smiled.

I laughed. "We should play something."

"Like what?" Alice said jumping up and down on the bouncy seats.

"I Never." I shrugged.

"I think you're forgetting something." Rosalie smirked. "We don't drink…and neither do you for a matter of fact."

"Oh. Shoot. I knew there was a reason I never played that game**,** okay. So new rules. We can still play. Hey Jasper, go get a bunch of silver-ware."

A few seconds later he came back with a bundle of silver-ware in his arms.  
After they were all unwrapped, I explained what to do.

"Okay, so we go in a circle, and everybody was to say something they've never done. If someone else has they have to take a utensil, and the speaker can even say something that they've done**,** but has to take a utensil all the same. The two people with the most amount of silverware at the end have to do something the rest agrees on. Got it?"

They all nodded their heads.  
"Okay. Let's start."

"I've never…gave a baby a bath." Rosalie stated.

I sighed and took a thing of silverware. I knew all that baby-sitting would get me in the end. Rosalie smiled and took a fork for herself.

Emmett's turn. "I've never…jumped off a cliff." To my surprise they all took a spoon or knife. I laughed out loud.  
"Bella. How can you live your whole life in Forks and not go cliff diving?" Alice asked astonished.

"Alice how can you know me for two years and believe I would have the balance and talent to do that."  
She nodded her head in agreement. "You have a point."

"I've never kissed a girl." Alice smirked. We delighted ourselves as all the guys took a utensil.

Edward's turn. "I've never kissed someone other than who I'm with right now." He said in the sexy mysterious voice that really turns me on.

To my surprise everyone took a utensil. I stared at Alice shocked. She was the only one that really didn't have much of a past…just black walls."Well, it wasn't my fault that while waiting for Jasper to come, some guy at the bar couldn't control himself. I should have seen it coming."

"Okay, well, I've never…gotten a grade below a B minus before." I smiled. But the rest of them just looked at my like I was a dork and got a spoon, except for Edward. Yay! We can be nerds together.

"Hey, it wasn't my fault that Mrs. Heinsback couldn't stay awake to teach the class. Oh…wait, never mind that was my fault. I forgot I kept replacing her coffee with allergy medicine mixed in with decaf." Emmett sighed**,** but smiled.

"Well, I've never known my siblings. My real siblings." Why was Jasper bringing the mood down**?** Very un**-**like him.

No one took a utensil. I huffed and took a fork. "You guys are my real siblings." I said with confidence.

They smiled at me and the game continued. At some points it got really awkward. Like when Alice said she'd never had sex. Everyone took some silverware**,** except Edward and I. Awkward.

Or when Emmett said he has never dated anyone else. Everyone took some silver but…Edward and me.  
Then Rosalie said that she's never spent over two hundred thousand dollars. Everyone took a utensil except…you guessed it. Edward and me.

"I never made out in the janitors closet." Jasper smiled taking a spoon. Emmett laughed like a bear as they each grabbed one.

I leaned over to Edward. "Well, it looks like we won't have a problem with losing this one."

"Yeah, but I don't think they know that the point is not to have the most silver-ware." Edward laughed.

"Nope. It's more like. Let's make fun of Edward and Bella time!"

"I've never seen Edward and Bella make out in front of us before."

Edward and I glanced at each other. We waited a second to see if anybody took a utensil and before Rosalie could go again. Edward and I lunged at each-other.

I knotted my hands in his hair and he wrapped his arms around me, caging me into his lips. I didn't hear or see anything except my Edward. He let this last longer than usual…and he was more urgent than usual. I didn't mind. Not at all. Before I knew what was happening I was slammed (gently) onto the seat as Edward hovered over me. My heart beat faster and faster. There was no controlling my actions now. He went too deep.**(ew...you guys have sick minds)** My hands slithered down Edward's chest to the rim of his shirt. I dug my hands underneath and crawled his icy chest with my sweaty hands. Our kiss becoming almost rated R. Breathing became hard and I really couldn't see that well. Everything was getting fogged. Edward's hand glided up my thigh as he kept one hand by my head to steady himself.

Next thing I knew Edward was gone and I was in Rosalie's arms.

"EWWW guys!" Emmett hollered, his arms holding Edward away from me. "Just because we never saw it didn't mean we wanted to!" They all grabbed a knife.

"Maybe we wanted you to see it." Edward said darkly, his crooked smile was obviously in place. I didn't dare look at him right now. I laughed pulling a stand of hair off of my red face, still panting. I peeked at Edward who was having the same breathing problems**,** to my surprise.

"Well, it's your turn Bella." Alice chirped. A huge smile on her face.

"I never ate a grasshopper." I said trying to change the very heated mood.

To my astonishment**,** and then yet again**…**it wasn't surprising, Emmett took a fork. "What**?**! I was really thirsty."

Everyone at the table made a face.

"I've never been around the world." Jasper said. Everyone, including Edward took something while I sat in my little corner of denial.

The game went on. I was surprised it lasted as long as it did. I figured we would have run out of silver-ware sooner than that.

My ego started to go down as the piles of utensils everyone was holding got bigger**,** while mine stayed the same. Edward was low too**,** but he still had way more than me…which is okay because he's been alive a lot longer than I have. But we were still in the same boat. By the end it just gotpathetic. But at least we won't lose!

Emmett and Alice got the most silver-ware while Edward and I got the least.

"Wow. You two haven't done anything." Rosalie said putting her silverware into the pile in the center of the table.

"Yeah, well, Emmett. We get to decide what you have to do." Edward said calmly, a perturbed look on his face.

"Actually we changed the rules. The loser's are the ones with the least amount. You guys totally lost! So, that means we decide what you are doing." Emmett smiled.

"What!? You can't do that. That's illegal. That isn't fair." I exclaimed. "No. Just**,** no."

"I'm calling mom." Edward pulled out his cell-phone to show that he meant business.

"Too late!" Alice cried out a huge grin on her face.

"Um…but…the rules are the rules, you can't change them." I said feebly. Why oh why did I get myself into these things.

"Too late!" Alice held up her hand.

Edward leaned back, surrendering. If Edward gave in I had to. "Fine what is it." I asked dully.

They all grinned at each other**,** which scared the crap out of me.

"Everything that you've never done in this game…well you can't say **"**I never**"** about it anymore."

"WHAT?!" Edward and I both screamed.

"It's simple. Everything that you haven't done that was mentioned in the game**,** you have to do." Alice stated, staking the forks into one generouspile.

"You have got to be kidding me." I slouched in my chair. "I don't even remember half of what was said! And the stuff I do remember…well, what if I say no."

"Then you die." Emmett blurted out. "Just kidding**,** but you have to."

"And what's making us." Edward growled.

"Well, we'll all think of really inappropriate stuff when you walk in the room and as for Bella…well, I heard too many books on a shelf can somehow combust into an explosion of great almighty fire."

We looked at each other and groaned. Both of us knew they would do it too.

"Alright fine." We agreed miserably.

"Hey, think of it as a gift. You guys need to live a little. Oh, and as for forgetting the stuff don't worry. We have vampire memory and I'll be printing off a copy of what everything was**,** so you can do it tomorrow morning."

I groaned. This was so not cool.

"Oh, and you have to complete everything by July 11th."

"Why?" I asked. Not liking the idea of a deadline.

"Because it's our little Eddie's birthday! It'll be his one-hundredth year as a vampire**,** to the day!" Alice chirped. "And everything needs a deadline because you guys would never get it done."

Oh how I hated this. I looked at Edward pitifully as he wrapped me up in his arms.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Why do we always get into things like this?" I asked as Edward sped down the interstate**,** trying to get me to my dorm room in time to get a decent amount of sleep before tomorrow's graduation.

"Because it's a sick and screwed up world Bella." He said in a disdainful tone. I didn't even need to see him to know that he pinched his nose between his thumb and forefinger. "We're engaged. I don't want to do anything else with anybody else. I don't want to do anything we haven't already done before. Well..." He grinned. "I could think of a few new things I haven't done with you." He smirked and my heart sped up rapidly**,** pushing blood into my face.

"Ugh. I don't have time for silly games. I have a job, a wedding to plan, debts to pay, just…things to do! I can't waste my time going places and kissing people and blah."

"We could…just not do it." Edward suggested.

"Yea, I'll burn my books as soon as you agree to perverted thoughts for the rest of eternity."

Edward nodded his head. "I see your point."

He drove on in silence for a while.

"I think they mean well." Edward commented.

"Well the road to hell was paved with good intentions."

**a/n I'm exciting. Are you excited? This is going to be so much fun. I'm expecting a lot of reviews for this chapter. so get to it! cracks whip. review like the wind!**

- Rosalie


	3. Two Lists, One Headache

**Alrighty, so this if kind of just a filler chappie. The fun is about to begin! Oh boy.**

"Isabella Marie Swan. Suma cum luade." the announcer spoke from the podium. I walked across the stage**,** hoping against hope**,** that I wouldn't trip, but all the same smiling as I shook hands with the guy I didn't even know was affiliated with this school. Wow. My diploma. Well my fake one until the real one gets mailed to me. I actually did it! I bumped into someone.

"You better look out for yourself." That itty-bitty brat said. We had a feud. We were neck and neck for Valedictorian. The cat fights were terrible**,**but I stepped down because it would never end (and Edward told me to) and now she thinks she's all superior to me and I'm so much lower and inferior. Bitch.

I smiled and walked back to my seat. This was my day. Well...mine and every other graduate's day. All two thousand fifty-three of us. But still…my day.

I sat back and enjoyed the cloudy day, knowing that the Cullen's could be here then. The names all blended together as I closed my eyes.

I felt a tug on my weird black drug of death outfit. "Come on. We are going to throw our hats."

"Whoops." I got up and counted with everybody.

"THREE! TWO! ONE!"  
Two thousand and fifty-three cornered hats zoomed into the air.

It was a wonderful sight. I was kind of sad though because that was the only hat that fit my head perfectly. Plus, there are two thousand and fifty-three of us**;** there is no way I could find my hat**. **There's bound to be lice in at least twelve of them.  
I trudged through the crowd looking for my family and soon to be family.

"I believe you dropped this." A melodic voice came from behind me.

"Edward!" I turned around to see Edward holding a four cornered hat towards me. "It's my hat!" I smiled and hugged him. I put it on my head and if fit perfectly. "How did you know?"

"I'm a vampire Bella." Edward smirked. "We have our ways." He said in a mock dark tone.

I laughed at the same moment a voice I hadn't heard in a while screamed my name.

"MOM!" I yelled back.

So for the next forty minutes, I stood and greeted and thanked and waved and hugged and cried and yelled and clapped and laughed and took picturesand took more pictures and more and joked and held up my fake diploma and used way too many 'ands'.

"Bye mom. Bye dad!" I hugged them one last time as they got into the airplane.

I turned around and saw Alice smiling at me. Oh boy.

"Are we forgetting something?" Alice teased.

"Okay**,** what do I have to do**?**" I already saw this as unavoidable so better to get it over with.

"Well, seeing as how you and Edward have done and not done different things you each get a different sheet." she handed one to me and one to Edward.

I took a deep breath and unfolded the pink piece of paper like I was unfolding my imminent doom.

"Bella Swan's 13 Things She's Never Done." I grimaced.

"1. Hunting

2**.** Ball Room Dance

3**.** See the World

4**.** Be a Vegetarian

5**.** Take care of a cat

6**.** Cliff Diving

7**.** Eat a Grasshopper

8**.** Fail a Test

9**.** Make Out in the Janitor's Closet

10**.** Date Someone Else

11**.** Kiss Someone Else

12**.** Get Married

13**.** Lose Virginity"

Well this is going to be fun.

I looked over at Edward. "Switch." I said and he handed his over and I handed him mine.

"Edward Cullen's 13 Things He's Never Done.

1. Go Fishing.

2. Go Strip Dancing.

3. Give a baby a bath.

4. Play in the play area in McDonald's.

5. Drive fifteen miles per hour under the speed limit for twenty minutes.

6. Spend over 200,000 dollars on something

7. Eat a Grasshopper.

8. Fail a Test.

9. Make Out in the Janitor's Closet

10. Date Someone Else.

11. Kiss Someone Else.

12. Get Married.

13. Lose Virginity."

Oh, this was going to be a lot of fun.

We handed each others list back to their original owner and sighed.

"Alright. You don't have to do it in any particular order. Just get it done by Eddie's rebirth day okay? And they have to live up to my standards. I'll be watching. Any questions?" Alice asked.

Edward raised his hand.  
"Yes Edward."

He puckered his face like a little kid.  
"Do I really have to drive 15 miles per hour under the speed limit? Because that's just inhumane."

**So... how much do you guys want the next chapter? What do you think about the list? It's not going to change but I want to see what you guys might add to it! (if I really like it I might add it in to one of the chapters as a bonus)**

so... as always. Review like the wind!

- Rosalie

p.s. check out my poll, and I'm starting a Rosalie's Weekly Wisdom on my author's page. check it out!


	4. Benny's Unbenevolent Bath

**A/N So, here is the first of the many checker-off chapters! enjoy!**

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Edward and I stood in front of the door**,** side by side.

"Are we going to go in or keep on tracing the lines in the wood?" Edward sighed.

"Hold on**,** I'm almost done with the last grain. Okay," I smiled shyly.

Edward shook his head and rang the door-bell solemnly.

I heard footsteps in the distance and before the door opened I asked. "You scared?"

"Why should I be ? It's not going to hurt me...is it?"

I laughed and the door opened.

"Bella? Edward? Hey! Oh my goodness. I haven't seen you since last fall. Wow, you guys haven't changed a bit. Especially you Edward." Angela pulled me into the house and Edward tagged along with his hands in his pockets. If he could blush and sweat I beat he could be the replacement for an octopuses limb. Don't think about it...it doesn't mean anything.

"So, what brings you back to Forks? I thought you were just in California?" Angela sat down in her tiny living room.

"Well, we just wanted to come back home as fast as we could... and Edward drives like a maniac." I stuck my tongue out at him when Angela wasn't looking.

"So, how are Ben and little Benny doing?" I asked and Edward's knee started bobbing.

"Oh, Ben's working his tail off and Benny is just working to poop.. Life is good." Angela smiled.

Angela gave birth to a son a year ago. Ben had ego issues and wanted to name it after him**,** but Angela said if she had to call their son Ben as well**,** they would have to rely on Stoffer's to be their new mommy. So they compromised. His name isn't Benjamin, its Bentley. Or Benny for short...but that doesn't make any sense because it's still two syllables. Parents...

"Would you like to see him?" Angela's face brightened, obviously proud of her handy-work. I nodded. "I was just about to give him a bath."

"Perfect."

"What?"

"Oh nothing. Do you need any help bringing him down?" I asked politely.

"I can handle it," and with that Angela skipped up the stairs.

I lazily turned my head in Edward's direction. "So...I've been wondering, how have you gone to medical school twice and still haven't given a baby a bath?"

He mumbled something incoherent about nurses and smelly.

Angela came back down with a bundle of sleepy joy in her arms. I grabbed him up gently and spoke quietly. "This can't be Ben's child.. He's too perfect." I smiled at Angela and she laughed and said something about how Ben was as close to perfection she could get.  
Awww...

"Well, He didn't get a bath yesterday, so I have this schedule and if something gets off track for too long I'm screwed." Angela said holding her hands out to take back Baby.

"You know, I think Edward would really enjoy doing that for you. Wouldn't you Edward?" He nodded his head shakily. "He has never really been around kids and I want him to have a little more experience. Right Edward?" He nodded his head. "You wouldn't mind would you**?** I'll be watching. And if anyth-"

"That would be the greatest! Oh, thank you Edward and Bella. I didn't do other stuff. Oh, thank you. I'm just so busy. I didn't think I'd have to do so much being a stay at home mother. Boy was I wrong."

Angela stood up**,** as did I. Edward just backed up to the wall, controlling his breathing.

x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0XoXoXoXoXoXoXoXoX

Edward stared at the bath tub in the sink and Benny then at me.  
"I'm going to kill it."

I rolled my eyes. "'It' has a name. Benny. And it's just a human." I smiled.. "Wait...no, are you scared of it?"

Edward rolled his eyes. "'It' has a name. Benny. And of course I'm not scared of him. I'm only slightly terrified." Edward breathed. "It's so delicate."

I rubbed his arms. "Aren't I just as delicate?" I rested my chin on his shoulder.

"Yes. But you're not a baby."

I sighed. "Just think like it's me, okay. Just pretend your washing me."

Edward scrunched up his face. "Bella dear, I think that would have permanent major psychological effects on him."

"You know what I mean!" I slapped him on the arm. "Ouch." I whimpered.

Edward stared back at Benny and shrugged. "I don't like this game."

I sighed and said the two words that would make him do anything. "Perverted. Minds."

And with that Edward picked up the baby smoothly"' but a little roughly and dipped him into the tub while simultaneously grabbing the Luke warm soapy dish towel.

XoXoXoXoXoXoXox0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x

"Whoops." Edward whispered.

"What?" I raised my eyebrows. And hopped off the counter trying to see around his shoulder.

"Um...are babies supposed to leak?"

"What?!" I slid around him and saw Benny perfectly fine and smiling a boyish grin. I moved my eyes down to see why.

"He's peeing Edward. Not leaking." I shook my head. "Seriously. How did you even get past pre-med...or life for that matter."

When Benny was done **'**leaking**'**, I put his diaper on and changed his clothes. Edward stood far away**,** watching me with admiration.

While giving him a bath, Benny was kicking and screaming like the devil killed his parents and was going to eat his liver and little dog too. I've seen a lot of angry and scared babies. I thought I had seen them all...until Edward came along. I could tell it took every ounce of Edward's self control to not rip it's head off.  
Edward wasn't breathing while the warm water trickled, Benny was screaming so loud he put the sirens to shame, and I was in the background laughing my head off.  
But he got it done with no injuries**,** except Edward's manliness and Benny's sanity. It's all good though.

He fell asleep and I put him back in his crib. Edward slipped his hands around my waist.

"I'm jealous of you. You made it look so easy. Promise me something." He whispered.

"What?"

"Never make me do that again." His voice was pleading.

I laughed and shook my head towards the ceiling. "Good thing you're a vampire. We don't have to worry about that. That should be a slogan somewhere. Permanent birth control. Sleep with a vampire." I joked.

Edward growled.

Just then the door opened. "Oh hey guys!" Ben called as he set down his brief-case. "Where's Angy?" He inquired.

"I don't know. She went out to get something**,** I think." Edward answered. He knew where she was but had to keep up pretenses.

"Oh, well, how's Benny."

"Clean and asleep." I smiled.

"Great. Well I'll be upstairs if you need me. Glad to see you guys. I have to finish some reports." he smiled and jogged upstairs.

Edward tensed and looked out the back door.  
I turned around and saw his face relax as the back door opened slightly and slowly.

"Hello?" I said in a shaky voice**,** even though I knew it wasn't somebody dangerous from Edward's stance.

"Oh. Hey guys. Is...is Ben in there?" Angela poked her head in and whispered.

I pointed upstairs.

"Okay great." She swung the door open and put down two brown bags.

"What's going on?" I asked Angela, Edward was no help, he just stood there smirking.

"Well," Angela started. "Last week I found a litter of kitten's in our garage. I was able to give away most of them. But I still have some left."

"And why are you hiding them from Ben." I wasn't getting the cloak and dagger vibe from Ang.

"He's allergic and hates cats. I think he had an accident with one growing up." Angela paused. "That would explain the huge scratch on his..." Angela whispered to herself. "Anyway! I have to feed them. Can you hold the door open?" Ang nodded towards the door by the laundry room.

"We can do better than that." Edward stated. "We'll take one of those kittens."

I raised my eyebrows and looked at Edward in confusion. Then I remembered number five on 'the list'. Take care of a cat.  
Edward smiled at me devilishly as Angela handed me a calico and meowing kitten.

I gulped.  
This can not end well.

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**A/N So tell me what you think. Want more? Do you really want more? I have the next chapter written out and everything, and I have to say it is possibly one of my favourites! So! review if you want it soon! **

and I want to think my beta Amber. Thank-a-you!

You guys rock!

Oh! and now on my profile page is Rosalie's Reviews. It's my opinion on movies and books I have read/seen recently. And I give it a grade. I know, I'm so conceited than I think everyone wants my opinion and advice. Hey, I am Rosalie. Give me a break and let me have my way.

- Rosalie

p.s. Review like the wind!


	5. Two in One

**A/N Okay, so I knew you guys rock. But...now, now you guys are totally rocking my socks off. Take a look. Do you see me wearing socks right now? No? that's because you guys rocked 'em off. D Every one of you get an invisible cookie! so read on my readers. read on.**

* * *

"It is really cute." I admitted as I stroked the cat's fur. It meowed as if it knew what a horrible pet owner I was. "I will name you...hmm...what should I name you."

"Dead meat." Edward whispered.

I slapped him on the shoulder. "Ouch." I winced. "I really have to stop doing that to myself."

We were driving back to the house**,** now along the HWY. My stomach reminded me that I hadn't eaten lunch or dinner. I blushed. "Shut up." I whispered and Edward laughed as he pulled into some weird fast food place that no one has ever heard of.

He pulled into a parking spot.  
"Don't they have a drive-thru?" I asked.

Edward shook his head.

"Wow. A fast food place that doesn't have a drive-through. That thoroughly scares me." I looked down at the little fur ball at my feet and picked him up…at least I think it's a him. Yup, it's a him.

"Well, hmm...I can't take you in there." I looked at his slit eyes. "Alright Edward he-"

"I really don't think that's a good idea." He tried to warn me. 'Animals don't-"

"Sure it is**.** I have to eat something now!" I practically threw the cat into Edward's lap.

0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0XoXoXoXoXoXoXoXo

"Welcome to Burger Beans can I take your order." The acne faced, greasy hair kid said from behind the register.

"Yes, I'd like a number two with bacon and a double burger with only mayo andketchup, and..." Well, I didn't want to look like some unhealthy carnivore,"side salad. Coke. Medium." I tried not to look too hard at him.

"Alrighty." he swished his hair out of his eyes. "I'll have that out as soon as it's ready. Your total is five-fifty two."

"Oh and its to-go."  
He smiled at me and nodded his head. I knew that smile. Oh-dear.

When my tray was set out I grabbed it with my left hand**,** very conspicuously.  
I said my thanks and looked at my order to make sure I had everything. I looked at my food and back at the cashier**,** trying not to think about why my food looked so greasy.

I pulled out the fries and started munching as I made my way back to Edward's car.

"Where's the feline?" I asked as I stared at Edward. His elbows were on the steering wheel and he was pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Back there." He said in a low whisper.

My eyes slowly turned. I absorbed all the images slowly. Edward's head rest had eight tears, the ceiling had two long strips in it, my arm rest was no longer there and the back seat looked like it had an occupied shredder.

"What! Where..." I looked back to the ceiling. "How on earth" The kitten was hanging on the ceiling with its claws, shaking, but hanging on for dear life.

"What did you do to it**?**!" I cried out.

"I didn't do anything. You flung that beast at me and it freaked out."

"I'll say." I reached back there and tried to pry him lose. "He won't budge. I'm not going to hurt you...wait. That may be a lie. But not purposefully!" I tried to soothe the cat. I suck at soothing. "It's not responding to me. It doesn't like me."

"I thought you were good at this kind of stuff."

"I'm only good with babies! Not animals."

"Well, neither am I!"

"Apparently."

I sighed and sat back in my seat wondering what to do.

"Just leave him up there." Edward said and he started the car.

XoXoXoXoXoXoXox0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0

I took out my sandwich and started to bring it to my mouth.

I saw a speed limit sign. "Hey Edward. Go ahead and do number six on your list and then we can get it over with."

Edward shook his head vehemently. "No. Way. The speed limit here is thirty. No way am I going to go fifteen. That's just ridiculous. Let's go some place where the speed limit is...(ns)ninety five. I think that will be good enough.."

I shook my head and brought my sandwich back up.

"What's in that?" Edward asked as he raised an eyebrow.

"Cardboard and sugar."

"There's bacon in there." Edward sniffed and backed away from the smell.

I went back to the sandwich. "So?" But it wasn't there anymore. I turned to Edward just in time to see him roll down the window and throw out what was my dinner.

"HEY! I was eating that."

"I know. You're not supposed to. You're supposed to be a vegetarian remember."

I looked down. "I was trying to block that from my memory." I sighed and growled.Smiling mischievously, I tried to grab my double cheeseburger and rip it off in bits.

I reached down in the bag inconspicuously. "Hey it's not here!" I exclaimed.

"That too." Edward said rolling up the window, trying to hide his smirk.

"But...meat...meat is my life source! I'm addicted to it. They can't take it away. It makes me strong. No. I can't. Not the meat."

"Well, get un-addicted. I go though the same thing. Get used to it." Edward said gruffly. "Plus, meat isn't really all it's cracked up to be. It smells atrocious." He smiled and kissed my forehead. "Only till the eleventh."

He moved his lips down to my nose, making a loop, then moved to the corner of my mouth.

Thumph. "Meow..."

Edward tensed and sat up straight again. "I hate that cat." he mumbled.

I picked him up.  
"Ditto." I pretended the cat said that**,** while making him bounce in the air. "Edward is soooo mean. Bella is a much better person. She holds me and listens to me." I spoke using a high-pitched annoying cat voice. "Edward doesn't listen. He just siiiitss there in his own little space bubble."

"Stop it."

"Never! Bella is so pretty too. I like Bella. She's the coolest." I made the cat nod his head. He had no choice. "And she let's me talk. Edward didn't let me talk he just siiiitss there in his own little space bubble."

Edward shook his slowly. "Seriously, stop it."

"I'm not done yet." I said not losing the weird voice. "This car needs to be reupholstered. How did all this scratches come here**?** I didn't do it. I bet it was Edward. Edward and his weird vampire crap. AND! He didn't let Bella finish her hamburger so nooooww she's going to starve and it's all thanks to Edwa-"

The kitten was out of my hands and in Edward's left hand, struggling and screaming like a baby that just got shoved in a freezer.

"Cat's are made out of meat right?" He started to roll down his window.

"Edward! No!"

He put the cat down roughly and it went back to it's spot on the ceiling.

"That was evil Edward."

He looked at me and smirked.. "Vampire."

XoXoXoXoXoXox0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0

"There you guys are!" Emmett hollered as we pulled up to the house. "Were have you been?"

"Getting Edward's car reupholstered." I tried not to laugh. "This kitten doesn't like Edward...or his car. It looks like Shredder and the Turtles had their battles in there."

Edward just glared at nothing in particular. Not a happy camper.

Alice came outside. "Hey Bella. Hi Edward. Hey there little kitten. What have you named him?"

"I don't know."

"Well I do." Alice smiled. She whispered in my ear.

"That's perfect!" I agreed.

"Hey I'm just agreeing with you from the future." I didn't even try to make that make sense.

"So, what's its name?" Esme asked. Apparently**,** I had a crowd.

"Well, seeing as how I'm a vegetarian now and I can't have meat, but I have this," I held up the kitten. "Guys, meet Sausage."

Before we walked into the house I heard Edward say in a low voice. "As I said before, it's dead meat."

* * *

**A/N **

**Okay, unfortunely, I'm still working with the next chapter. It has a weird feel to it. I don't like it. So I'm going to have to work on it some more.**

** So what do you guys think? Oh, and I have to say that I am an avid cat lover. I can't ever see myself living without one, so I'm not trying to make fun of them. **

I'm debating on whether or not to bring Jacob back. It would be very easy and simple to do, and I didn't really tie that off in the last story... so please review and put a number one if you don't want Jake back in the story even for a little while or a number two if you don't care and think it might spice things up. Peoples choice.

and as always, review like the wind.

- Rosalie


	6. Goodbye Cruel Sausage

**A/N You're rocking my socks off again! And again do you see them? Nope cuz you guys rocked 'em off. If I didn't love you guys so much it would probably start to get annoying, with all the sock rocking and all. Okay, well anyway this is just a filler. not very funny. So read on readers, read on.**

* * *

"BELLA! THE MAIL IS HERE!" My father called to me from downstairs.

"THAT'S GREAT! So why don't you get it?" I retorted.

"I think you got something from your boss."

I jumped out of my chair and practically threw myself at the door. I haven't gotten a lead or story in a month. About time.

I reached the counter and a nice cream colored envelope was laid aside for me. I sighed, took it, and went back up stairs. It's been a week since I came back. And in truth it's been kind of boring.

"MEWOWOWW!" Sausage screamed in protest as I entered the room.  
Well, boring to an extent. This little fur ball from hell won't leave me alone. It keeps meowing and meowing. I've tried to play with it... but I ended up whacking Sausage and hurting him, causing him to rest further back under my dresser.

I opened up the letter and started reading at the beginning.

"Dear Ms. Isabella" I didn't mind that he called me that. It sounded exquisite with his British accent. "I have great news for you. Some good and some bad. I know you and I will go with the bad news first. I'm sorry to say that you will be leaving us."

My heart plummeted, and I could feel the water works coming. I didn't want to read on.

A knock came from my door.

"Bella? It's me Jessica. Can I come in?"

I shook it out and answered yes after taking another sip of coffee.

"Sure, sure. Come on in. Just me and Sausage."

"And who?" She opened the door. "Dry Markers! Why on earth do you have a cat?"

Sausage looked at Jessica with pleading eyes. "Meow. Meow."

"Yea, Alice gave it to me as a graduation present." I muttered darkly.

"How long has he been meowing?" She cradled him and he started purring. Oh, so now he's being nice.

"Um, about all week." I answered, rubbing my temples.

"What's wrong fuzzy-poo?" She looked at me. "When was the last time you fed him?"

I smiled. I actually have been feeding him two times a day. I was feeling very proud of my self.

"About an hour ago."

"Hmmm, did you give him water?"

Shoot. I forgot that part.

I grumbled as I got up and grabbed my coffee mug. I might as well fill-her-up.

I came back upstairs with a bowl one third full of water. Jessica raised an eye-brow. "I kept tripping up the stairs." I excused.

"Here's the water." I smiled shyly and the kitty meowed in protest to my coming in the room.

I rolled my eyes. "Either you can drink it or drown in it Sausage, your choice." I shoved the water bowl in front of him.

"Honestly Bella, he is just a kitten." Jessica shook her head. "So anyway, I'm so sorry I couldn't make it down for your graduation. I had so much stuff to do, what with Mike and I getting back together and the promotion at the bank and that huge sale last Saturday at the mall. No way I could handle anything else. So, how are you and Edward doing? How long have you been engaged...? Two years? Wow, are you waiting for something or... doubts? Holy Cheesecake, Bella, you can't have any doubts. Edward's only the mostawesome guy EVER! I mean after what you put him through in the beginning and he still is with you... and plans on marrying you! Wow, don't blow it. Oh my gosh, Bella have you had... um... you know."

I was confused at first because Jessica actually had space in her sentence and that just threw me off completely. "What? Oh. Um. No. So, did I hear you right? You and Mike are together again?" I asked trying to change the subject and hoping my blush wasn't noticeable.

"Yeah, we met at some family thing and wow you are really blushing. So, Mike came up to me. He was wearing this adorable brown sweater that covered his shoulders perfectly and he said hey and I said hey..."

She went on like this for awhile. I would just nod my head not even able to keep up with her dialogue. I decided now would be a good time to finish that Dear Jane letter. I couldn't break down because I had company.

"I'm sorry to say that you will be leaving us." My breath caught again. How would I find another job? It took forever to find this one and I finally had moved up from the glamour crap I was doing in the beginning. "The good news is**,** you'll be back with a main line story." I did a double take. What? "Bella I'm happy to announce that I want to challenge you by having you do a story from India. There's been an accident with the government. A Typhoid of politicians want to break down the caste and major havoc is going on between the government and Hindu religion. Find an angle and go with it. I won't leave too much instruction, so you have to decide and think on your own like I know you can. Make me proud. Look back in the envelope, there is two first class tickets straight to India. Good luck."

"AHHH!" I screamed.

"What's wrong? Are you okay**?**" Jessica spoke worriedly.

"Yes. Yes. I'm fine. I'm sorry Jess, but I have to go would you excuse me?"

"Well, I have been saying how I needed to leave for about three minutes." Jessica eased.

"Oh well, yes, then that's perfect." I practically shoved her out of my room, causing her to drop Sausage.  
He meowed pathetically and ran under my dresser.

I re-read the letter over and over. Every time made it closer to believe.  
"What's wrong?" A velvet voice whispered in my ear.

I jumped. "What the devil? Don't do that."

Edward shrugged and lay back onto my bed, knowing that I would tell him what's up when I was ready too.

I was ready.

"We're going to India!" I smiled. "See!" I handed him the letter.

He read it over in two seconds then handed back. "Well, what are we waiting for?"

"I have to pack." I said unsteadily.

"Already done. Alice knew this was coming three days ago. Your bags all packed and is in my car."

"Well let's go!"

XoXoXoXoXoXo0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0

"Um..." I stuttered..

"What's wrong my dear?" Edward asked as we were about to board the plane.

"I can't fly." I said breathlessly. "Never done it."

"I'll show you how to." Edward smirked and led me into our seats.

"Wow. India." I said breathless leaning back on my seat. Edward pulled down his window.

At the front desk he said that he had an allergy to sun light so they put us in a relativity dark corner.

The plane began to move slowly. The stewardess asked what we wanted. "Coffee." I stated like a kid about to got double chocolate-chocolate ice-cream.

"What's with you and coffee now-a-days?" Edward asked. "You never had it before."

"I've never not had meat before. I have to compensate it with something."  
Edward eyed me in a weird way as if he was going to witness me exploding.  
The plane started moving fast and faster and I gripped onto the arm rests with my life.  
We were in the air and rising when I began to relax. "Hehe... this is like a really gentle and boring roller coaster." I smiled and rested my eyes.

"Edward! Sausage!" I yelled and jumped up**,** but was restrained by the seat belt. "UFF."

The other people in first class eyed me strangely. Probably wondering why I was worried about a dead pig meat.

"Maybe she's a butcher." An old lady whispered behind us.

Edward laughed. "Honestly, I think that he's better off on his own than being taken care of by you."

I grumbled and tried to get some rest, ignoring Edward.

A billion hours later...  
"Okay folks. Buckle up we are ten minutes away from our destination."

"Welcome to India."

**So there's probably going to be a lot of chapters of them in India coming up. Any insider type info you have on that country would be great! So... how much do you want the next chapter? how much?**

**Um... what else... oh my poll is closing down in three days so if you haven't voted, get to it!**

**and as always... review like the wind!**

**- Rosalie**


	7. Who Let the Snakes Out?

"Omglff." I covered my mouth with my hand because of the stench as we stepped off of the plane. It smelled of blood and trash and human odor and lots and lots of meat. I turned to Edward to see how he was able to handle himself.  
He smiled at me.

"How on earth Edward? _I_ can barely stand it. You should be dying over there."

He just smirked**,** not saying anything.

"Okay, so... I guess we should find a... hotel." I got bumped by a random goat walking down the street. "Then head over to the palace." Edward nodded and led me to the nicest hotel.  
"You're very chatty Edward." I said sarcastically as we wound around the narrow roads. He just looked back at me and nodded. Then we came to the nice hotel.  
That was an understatement. Compared to outside**,** this was a mini tahjmahal. It literally took my breath away because of the difference.

Edward shook his head a little and took in a long deep breath. "Good thing that's over with. I can breathe again." Edward stated.

I turned to look at him. "You mean to say that you haven't taken a breath since we landed?"

He nodded and walked to the front desk.

When he came back he had a smirk on his face.

"What now?" I groaned**,** but stood my ground ready for the blow.

He laughed. "Oh, nothing. That lady was just thinking that we were too young to get a room together." He smirked.

"If only she knew you were one hundred and eight." I laughed. "You're old enough for the both of us."

When we got to our room I ran to my bed and jumped on it. "Ouch..." I moaned. "This bed is a slat of concrete." I joked. I got up again, rubbing my back.

"Well, you are all settled, what next?" Edward asked giving me a massage.

I looked around at the room not really wanting to think of what I had to do next. This spot had a sort of ancient-belly-dancer/somehow modern feel to it. The curtains were a shiny ruby red and the wall-paper was a metallic gold, while the bedding was a soft purple and all the hardware was very modern and sleek. A weird combination. But it worked.  
I sighed. "I guess I have to go to the court house and try and decode all the languages arguing about the caste system." I peeked up at Edward.

"Of course I'm coming." He rolled his eyes.

He walked out and for a second**.** I was worried about Edward in the sun**,** but the smog and industrial smoke covered the light pretty evenly.

After about four hours of listening to complete havoc and franticly writing down what Edward said was going on, Edward supported my weight back to the hotel and under the covers**,** with my clothes on. I feel asleep quickly.

I woke up to complete darkness**.** The clock on the table read 5:03. I groaned because once I wake up there isn't any going back. I turned around wanting to see Edward beside me**,** but he wasn't there.

"Edward?" I called**,** but got no answer.

I shrugged it off. He's probably downstairs getting me breakfast. I got out of bed and turned on the TV. I looked back at the bed. "Huh. It really is on a slab of concrete."

I decided to do something productive… a couple of minutes after I called home and told Mom that I was okay.

"Hey mom. What time is it over there**?**" I said**.** I forgot about time changes.

"It's seven fifty." Renee answered. I knew she always got up at around six thirty anyway**,** so I wasn't worried about waking her up. "So how are you? Is Edward up?"

I smirked. "Yea, I'm fine."

"Sore huh?"

Ew. If she meant what I thought she meant**,** I would never be able to talk to my mother the way I usually do. "Umm... what?"

"Uh... your feet. Are they sore**?**"

I rolled my eyes and continued my conversation. I nearly spit out last nights dinner when mom said. "I've been hearing this awful screaming coming from your room. I think it might be haunted."

I groaned. "It's not haunted mom. It's my cat. Sausage." I could feel a headache coming on. I'm a horrible person. They should lock me up and ban me from all pet stores. Then I remembered I was already banned from the PetsMarts in California.  
Cue the fuzzy rimed boarders.

Flashback

"Okay girls. Let's Go!" A fellow senior commanded as we all went scattered about for a scavenger hunt. My group, red, was huddled together giving orders out to everybody. We each went out in twos and got whatever we were told**.** We came right back to this spot as soon as possible. With my luck**,** of course**,** I got the popular snotty know-it all and had to go to K-mart to get a picture of us riding on a cart then, McDonald's so we could order a large thing of fries then PetsMart to get a picture with every kind of animal they had there.

And we were off. Vicky was driving. I thought that Edward's driving was insane... but this was ridiculous. At least Edward was a good driver, steady. Vicky drove like the devil was after her seven thousand dollar mini-van. I've said a million times. Mini-vans are evident proof of evil in this world.

I took the picture as Vicky rode on the cart at K-mart. My balance issues would have disabled me for life if I attempted such a great stunt. Next was McDonald's and as we were leaving with the huge thing of fries in our hands group blue hustled in there. We gave them dirty looks and Vicky tripped one of them.

Next was PetsMart... Vicky said I should be the ones in the pictures this time. That shocked me, I thought Vicky's dream was to be a model and have every lens known to man and every mans lens focused on her. I shrugged and agreed.

We saw the ferret's first. I unscrewed the bolt that kept the door in place and grabbed a ferret's slinky form while Vicky took the picture. It bit me**,** hard and made my hand all stinky**,** but I couldn't think about that. Time was of the essence.

Next we saw the guinea pigs. We didn't have to open any doors. We just grabbed one from the top. Snap. Picture. On to the next animal. The more pictures we had the better scores we had. Tarantulas, bunnies, enchiladas, snakes. I didn't even flinch. Adrenaline was pumping through my veins so fast that if I cut myself I'd die. Don't think about it. It doesn't mean anything.

"I got another one." I called to Vicky. She ran over and gasped. I held a fish in my hands. I smiled and she looked at me disgustedly. "What? It stopped flapping a minute ago." I stared at it a few seconds. "Whoops. Oh, it's dead." Vicky took the picture anyway.

I limply put it back it the tank and watched as it sank to the bottom.

I felt someone tap my shoulder. "Excuse me, what are you doing?"

"Staring at fish." I answered bluntly and turned around to see the store manager.

"Have you been taking the animals out of there crates?" He asked.

Whoops. I nodded slowly..

As I walked out of there I saw people in red vest crawling around beckoning things in baby voices. "Come here snaky. Come her spidy."

I hung my head low as I was banned from PetsMart in all the of California. That was a very depressing day.

Good news is we won the scavenger hunt. And that's what counts.

Okay, cue the fuzzy rimmed boarders.

End Flashback

I decided to call Jessica and ask if she could take care of little Sausage.

She did without hesitation and I walked into the shower shame free**,** but still feeling like a horrible person.

The hot water swept most of that out of my system and I went to my laptop to start on my article.

Three paragraphs later, Edward opened the door thirty minutes later with a grim face**,** but when he saw me he smirked.

"What?" I asked with a tone of suspision, not even looking at him. He was silently smirking so I turned to look at him.

Edward stepped forward.

"Where have you been?" I asked as he took something out of the bag he was holding.

"Getting this, my dear." he held up a dark blue dress with white and red shades to it. An empire waist, leaf neck and flowing bottom.

"And why did you get that, my dear?" I was in denial.

"Because, my dear, you have ball-room dance lessons this afternoon at two**...**" He smiled and set the bag down.

Wait, wait wait. Stop.. Rewind. Play. Pause. Did he say Ball-room dance? No way were my feet going to agree to this form of torture.

"And what, my dear, will you be doing?" I eyed the dress with scorn**,** but was able to keep my voice steady.

"I... I also have... um... dance... lessons." he looked as if he could blush again.

I would have questioned him more**,** but I was to busy staring at my fate for this afternoon.

Edward hailed a cab as I contemplated my imminent demise.  
Death by dance moves.

* * *

**A/N **

**grr... I'm getting tired of these filler chapters aren't you? Well good, because next chapter should be very delightful. Haven't written it yet... but I'm gettin on that today. lol**

**Okay, so I know I get a lot of reviews but that just makes me greedy for more. (Rosalie, remember?) so, I want absalotuly everyone even if you don't normaly review, I want you to click the little thingy bellow and say, "Orangatang." if that's to much for you say, "bulb" **

**these are my favourite words so you would totally make my day and earn an invisble milkshake if you did. **

**thanks you guys. I hope I'm not boreing you! I'm trying to figure out how to amp up the awesomeness here.**

- Rosalie


	8. Es ah Nue Chaper

**Hello! okay, so I'm kind of feeling bad for the last couple of chapters. You guys deserve better. I'm looking back and they are kind of crap and boring. I was rereading some of How to Lose and it was way better. That makes me sad. I'm getting worse. So, I'm trying to get out of that. It'll take awhile though. I have to get to a certain point and then there should be drama and the funnies coming out of my invisible nose ring.**

**Oh, and I have to say, only two of you guys caught the enchiladas thing in the last chapter. If you don't know what i'm talking about look back somewhere in the flashback. I do that every now and then. See how attentive my readers are. lol**

**I have to make Bella OOC. But I didn't have to say it like that. I could say she is PMSing or something. lol. That'll work.**

**Okay, read on my readers. read on.**

* * *

We walked into the room and sighed as we could breath again. Edward handed me my dress and some shoes and looked over my shoulder at somebody.

"Ah, Hello." A Spanish looking dude swished his hips over to us. "My nahme es Ricardo Lopez." He looked at me. "Ah, you mus bee dah beautiful Esabella?" Ricky eyed my pushy fiancé to make sure he got the name right.

"Yes. I hope she is not early." Edward said politely.

"Es fine. Es fine. Dah souner we stat the souner we progress ahnd dah souner wi haf fun. Okay? Okay. So let's git started shall we?" He held his arm out for me.

I looked back at Edward in terror as he led me towards the ballroom. I mouthed the words. "Aren't you doing this with me? Please stay." But his eyes turned sorrowful and he shook his head.

Darn it.

"Okay Esabella. First we will do dah basic moves. Let's stat uff wit dah Jezz Square."

"What?" I asked, not understanding a word.

"Dah Jezz Square. Basic moves. Come uon."

I stood there as he held his hands up. "Okay, more basic dahn dat. The lady putts her left hand here." He grabbed mine and put it on his shoulder. "And the right one goes with my left one. Okay? Okay." He put his right hand on my waist and I had to control my jump of surprise.

"Alright. Now fist wi are going to do a simple, very simple jezz square. A jezz square is a smuoth, sassy, fou-step movemen in which a dancer steps out on dah right leg, steps back wit the left leg, crosses over with dah right leg, and steps forward wit dah left leg. Together dah moves create a full square. With a partner es a bit different but essinchilly dah same thing. Okay? Okay. So, es, step, back, over, step forward." He showed me what to do with my feet. It didn't look that complicated.

"Ready? Okay? Okay. So es, step. back. over. step forward. See, dah you go."

We went at a dangerously slow pace so we picked it up a little and went faster and faster. In my head I chanted. "Ouch, ouch, ouchy, ouch ouchy." It worked. I kept with the beat while simultaneously sympathizing with my feet. Hey, that rhythms. Not really. But it made me smile.

"Okay, okay, good. Now we will do a simple waltz." I raised my eyebrows in pain. "Es simple okay. Just let me lead. You do nothing." I've heard that one before. "Okay, well you do haf to mov!"

I stumbled a couple of times, always on the third beat, so of course we just went with it and added my falling as part of the choreography.

"Goud. Goud." He smiled warily as I sat down on my bum when he said I could rest.

"The rice and fall es unique to dah waltz. If possible, all dah steps in the waltz should be long. On the first step forward, the weight is taken on the heel, then on to dah ball of dah foot. A gradual rise to dah toes shoud be stated at dah end of dah fist beat, and continued to dah second and tird beat of each bar of music. Lower to dah normal position at dah end of the tird beat by lowering to dah heel of the foot which is carrying dah weight."

I just nodded my head. Okay, yeah. Sure! Why not? I was a bit put out because I barely did anything extraneous and I'm already sweating like a porcupine in a needle making shop.

But I got up and did it again. I improved! I only fell every other third beat and only for a little wobble. Soon I could actually do a spin! Whoa, I better not think so far in advance.

He let go. "Alright. Time es up. I ope you ad fun and lerned someting."

"That's it?" I breathed.

He nodded and walked out of the room and into a smaller one. "Well." I rolled my eyes.

I started to sit down on the couch and wait for Edward but he was already there. I barely recognized him... okay that's an exaggeration. For pete's sakes he's a freaking

Man-God. But his outfit just through me off. He had on sketcher sneakers, cargo shorts with chains, a white T-shirt with a red un-buttoned shirt over it. And, I can't even think about it. My mind just rejected the picture. A doo-rag. All looking kind of ratty.

"Oh. My. -"

Edward put his hand on my mouth. "Please. Spare me. I know what I look like."

"And what kind of dance involves this? Hip-hop? Yeah, or... rap dancing?"

"Bella, there isn't such a thing as rap dancing." He pinched his nose.

"Alright then what is it?" I demanded as I opened the door and covered my nose with my old sneakers I wore here. Yeah, my sneaker's smelled like a piece of strawberry short cake next to the atmosphere here.

Edward sighed and handed over the blue piece of paper, that was his list. "Number two." He half groaned half shied away.

"Strip Dancing?!" I screamed. The people around us stared. They didn't know what I said but when has there ever been a reason to stare at someone who said something with a certain amount of high frequency.

"I got it over with. I would have had to done it some time anyway. Would you have rather I'd done it here or back home were people might know me?"

He had a very good point. I was still mad. I didn't even want to think about it. What he had to do or to whom. shiver shiver

I sighed as we walked into the hotel. "At least it's over." I smiled weakly. "We got it done." Edward nodded.

"We don't ever have to do it again." He kissed my neck. I wrapped my arm around

his waist, trying very very hard not to think about what he did. I just wanted to forget it. Like it never happened. That would be the best sollution.

He walked me to the resturant. It's one of the best ones here because they didn't show their dead and for sale chickens on a rack.

As I ordered my food Edward's phone started to ring. "Excuse me." He said as he walked out.

I ordered a coke, coffee, and something I couldn't pronounce but it was meat free.

"Love, Alice wants to talk to you." He said it like he didn't approve.

"Hey Alice! How's the civilization holding up over on the other side of the world without us?"

"There's a lot less racket and less drama. But the world is turning slightly at a lower rate than your side."

"Glad to hear it." I laughed. "So, what did you want to say?"

"Well... um... I have some bad news." Alice started. "You're not done with dancing..."

"What?" I raised my eye-brow, thinking I didn't hear correctly.

"Well Bella, you barely got the waltz figured out with out tripping and Edward... well Edward was horrible. I'll just leave it at that." She said like she could laugh.

"I have to do it again?" My lips trembled.

"Yup! You guys really sucked. You must remember that I see all." Alice said triumphantly and pleasantly while my emotions went from ye high to somewhere in the negatives like where Rambo currently hunts for cherries. Don't think about it. It doesn't mean anything.

With a rage of... rage I snapped the phone shut and violently sucked my coke.

I was quietly draining my caffeine filled liquid, and when that was gone I moved to my coffee. "Ouch." I whimpered. "Hot." I sat up and looked at Edward who was sitting there silently waiting for me to get out of my tantrum. "What are you looking at you man-whore?"

* * *

**a/n. Alright. Yea, as I said before. I think Bella's PMSing or something. But that's the only way to get some drama and funny stuff to come out. So Bella has to be a little OOC for me to actually get stuff a rolling. (Bella's original character isn't funny anyway.)**

**You guys totally made my day! But orangutang and bulbs aren't going to cut it this time. I'm immune now. So now if you aren't the reviewer type hit the review button and say "Oy with the poodles already." My favourite line. or you can just say, "oy", or "poodles". If you do you get free invisible gas for your invisible car!**

**Anybody have any scenes they want to make happen for this story? Maybe something to do with another thing on the list? Any suggestions would be welcome! I'm not desperate or lost on what to do just wondering what you guys can come up with. **

**Okay, new poll up! Yes. A new poll. Everyone check it out. You can select three choices. Personally I would select most of them. lol.**

- Rosalie

**p.s. review like the wind**


	9. Tongue Twisters

**A/N I'm sorry but I can't help but absalutely love this chapter. Some of you will probably hate me for this but I think the majority with agree with me. hopefully. I almost spilt this chapter in two to make it more dramatic and you guys wanting more but I decided it was better if you read all of it at once. You'll thank me later.**

**Okay, read on my readers. Read on.**

* * *

"Noooooo. No, no no no no no No!" I whined and slumped onto the bed. "Alice. I'm not your friend anymore. You can't make me." I spoke into the receiver. Alice was trying to get me to go to Ballroom lessons again today. It's been five days since the last time and I had just finished my article for World Today. I still had picture of little men yelling across the courtroom with foam seeping from their mouths in my head.

"No, but Edward can. And plus, we can't do anything to him because he is out of range but I believe that we have a spare can of gasoline at your house." She said sweetly.

I groaned and shut the phone as I put on my dance shoes and Edward put on his ghetto outfit.

I growled as fiercely as I could when he donned on the doo-rag. "So, what is it you are exactly doing?" I questioned like a suspicious girl friend and snapped the ugly thing off of his head.

Edward sighed. "I try to block it from my memory. ...Pole dancing... and then... well, this stuff starts to come off." He picked at his clothes with a shamed look.

"Hmf." I turned back to the mirror trying not to freak. "And, who, may I ask are you doing this in front of?"

"The... instructor... and people..." He shrugged and changed the subject slightly. "You know I didn't realize that the night life was so prominent here. It's like Japan... but with less class and that's hard to believe. It's the universal want."

"Hmf." I said again as I put my hair in a ponytail.

Edward sighed. "Hey, let me ask a question. You don't have to do this... So... " He waved his hands at his outfit.

I raised my eyebrows and sighed. "Because I've done that before." Then waited for him to continue.

He grimaced. "May I ask, where? And when?... and why?!"

I better just get this over with. "My junior year. A bunch of us girls went to this club... and well, you know I don't drink... well there's a good reason for that." I tried to shrug it off. "I don't really remember it, but Lisa said I was pretty darn good once I stopped throwing up."

I sighed and turned to Edward. "Truce?" I held out my hand.

He laughed and grabbed me into a hug instead. I clanged to his frame as well and wrapped my legs around his.

"Be careful, love. The pants are Velcro."

XoXoXoXoXoXoXoXox0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0

"Oh, Esabella. Ear you are. Hum... I'm surry my dear but I ave a class. Oh, dear. I guess I overbooked. Well, I'll git someone else for you. Okay? Okay." He turned to the back of the studio. "Ahaj! Yes, Ahaj would you mind taking over this student here." He went on talking but in a different language that I was pretty sure wasn't Spanish.

The guy he was talking to moved his head a little to get a good look at me. I stared right back at him trying to get him to look away but it was me who bailed out. His skin was dark, but not like Ricardo's or a lot of the people here. It wasn't, muddy or a dirty skin color. His skin was a light brown. Gorgeous. His hair was thick and waved to his shoulders. A midnight black. He had rather thick eyebrows but not so much to make him look gross. His lips were full and had a purplish tint like some people here do. His eyes... wow. They weren't brown or black. They were a light green/gray that contrasted his skin tone and hair amazingly. He was a work of art. And not a Picasso painting either. Divinci Standards.

If I didn't hang around Edward so much I would have gaped and even possibly started drooling in my mouth.

"Hello Isabella." He said in the cutest little accent. **a/n I don't know what his accent sounds like so I can't spell it... but he does have one.** "My name is Ahaj and I will be your dance instructor for today. Let's start off with the waltz were you left off." I nodded. Okay. Sure. Whatever you say.

Wow. I did it. I didn't even fall! Okay, I fell once but that was only because I got seasick watching Ahaj sway.

"Good. Very nice Isabella. Ricky said you were awful. I don't think so. You just need practice. You've really got something."

Yeah Ricky. Listen to Ahaj. He says I've got something. So, stick that up your pipe and smoke it.

Buuurrn!

"Okay, so let's start the Fox Trot shall we?"

"The what?" My confidence went back to one but it's not in the negatives anymore!

"The Foxtrot. Here. Just follow what I do okay?" We started. "Okay, don't follow what _I _do. Mirror it... with your other left foot. That's it."

0x0x0x0x0x0XoXoXoXoXo

"So, how did it go?" Edward asked as he drove the rented car he got this morning.

"Good. Very good." I said in somewhat of a daze

Edward kissed my forehead. "That's good." He smirked. "But I bet no body threw foreign dollar bills at you did they?" He laughed and I grimaced.

We were silent the rest of the car ride. And while we were silent trouble starting mixing in my stomach, and not the beans and diet coke kind of trouble. It was the my-fiancé-is-pole-dancing- kind of trouble.

I walked out of the car and slammed the door shut. I was mad. I had a right to be mad. My fiancé was doing down and dirty things in front of strangers and not me! I wasn't mad. I was pissed. I'd get my revenge. I needed to even the playing field.

I opened the door to our room harshly and turned to Edward, snarling.

"This means war."

XoXoXoXoXox0x0x0x0x0xx0x

"Bella calm down." Edward tried to soothe me from outside the bathroom where I barricaded myself in.

"I will not calm down!" I screeched.

I heard him hit his hands on the door in frustration. "What do you want me to do?" He pleaded.

I grabbed my bag, after stuffing the lipstick back in and checked in the mirror one more time. "I want you to get out of my way." I growled as I threw open the door and stared Edward in the face.

He looked down at my outfit. "Where do you think you are going?" He snarled back at me.

"Wherever I want! That's where! And there's nothing you can do about it." I retorted and tried to walk around him but he caught me.

"I can't do anything about it huh?" He smirked and sat me down on the bed even though I was squirming, trying to get out of his grasp.

"Let go of me!" I fidgeted in his arms. "I said let go!"

I stared back into Edward's eyes.

"You want me to let go?"

"Ahh!" I screamed as I fell a couple of feet to the floor. "Hey!" I called to Edward. "That hurt!"

"You asked for it." Edward said calmly.

"Yea, well you didn't have to-"

"Have to what?"

"Have to drop me on the floor, you filthy rotten stripper!"

Then for the next two minutes we had a major argument. Name-calling, tongue twisters, insults, and accusations.

"You were the one that went all bi-polar on me, cleaning bowling balls and getting me hooked up with the gay guy! You were the one that was trying to get rid of me." Edward pointed out.

"And your situation was better?!" I scoffed. "You just wanted to keep me for a stinkin bet. You had no feelings whatsoever."

"That is not true!"

"Oh, yes it is you purple-eyed, twinkle toes, momma's boy." I called.

"Don't say nothing about my momma. You butt-licking, boogey swallowing, lip smacking, klutsomatic, carnivore fraud, homosapian!" Edward growled.

"Who are you calling a carnivore fraud? You bunny killing, rock infestation, road-kill -lover, pale face, undead!"

"Flesh!"

"Leech!"

"Mortal!"

"Rock!"

"Rock lover!"

I opened my mouth to say something else but a knock came from outside our door.

Edward stiffened and crossed his arms. "It's for you." He said in a growl.

I looked in the mirror and tried to cover up the anger splotches on my face and combed my hair out a bit more.

After I opened the door, Ahaj was standing behind it.

"Ah, Izsabella. Is everything okay?" His face was concerned and he looked past me at Edward. "Who is this?"

"Oh, that's just my brother."

I smirked evilly at Edward and watched his face get even more pissed.

"Oh, well, you left your shoes at the studio and I thought you wouldn't like to walk around all day in dance shoes."

"Oh." I said, still trying to clear my head. "Thank you. How very thoughtful." I smiled as he handed me my shoes.

He nodded his head awkwardly and shyly and began to turn around and walk away. I glanced at Edward briefly and smirked so mischievously as I made up my mind on something. Edward clenched his hands and his lips formed a snarl as if to say, "don't you dare."

"Hey Ahaj! Would you like to have dinner with me?" I turned back to the hallway. Edward hissed.

He spun around. "I... uh... yes. Yes, I would love to. Like... a date?" He raised his eyebrows.

I sighed. "Just dinner."

"That would be great." Ahaj smiled and his eyes light up. He reminded me of someone. "But...I don't speak English very well." He frowned.

"I can help with that." Edward strode up behind me. "I can speak fluent Hindi and would be glad to help you out." Edward volunteered so selflessly it could make me gag.

"Thank you, brother of Isabella. Later tonight?" He bowed his head and smiled at me one more time before turning around again. I nodded.

"Sounds good."

Edward's eyes slid to meet mine. He shook his head and stalked back into the room.

My rage wore out but that didn't mean that I wasn't upset. Looking up at Edward's back, a very emotional wave swept through me and I had to keep back the tears. I closed my eyes and said I was going to the market place, which really meant that I was going outside. I didn't want him to see me cry.

I pulled out my cell-phone and called someone who I really wanted to talk to.

"Hey Bella. How is it in Indiana?"

"I'm in India, not Indiana, Emmett." I laughed and swept away the few tears that had fallen down my face. "Is Alice looking kind of glum or upset in anyway?" I wanted to know.

"Huh... now that you mention it she has been kind of blue. We just thought it was Jasper trying to control her shopping addiction again. Why? What's up?"

"Can you do something for me, please? Can you kill her."

"How much are you offering?" Emmett negotiated.

I heard Jasper in the background growl and hit Emmett. "Ouch! Jasper, what was that for?"

"Bella?" Jasper said.

"Yeah." I said trying not to laugh.

"What's wrong?" I could just see him leaning all mysterious like on a wall with his eyebrows raised the way all really mysterious hot guys do.

"I was just wondering if Alice was upset."

"Actually she is... but I thought that was just because I was trying to control her shopping addiction again."

I sighed. "It's more than that." I kneaded my forehead with my knuckles.

"I can feel the frustration and anxiety from here." Jasper joked. He's not very funny. "Does this have anything to do with the new bet?"

"MmmHmm." I whimpered.

Jasper sighed. "Where is Edward? Is he around?"

"Nope." I said darkly as my eye twitched.

"Uh-oh." Jasper sighed. "Alice!" He called.

"I didn't do it!" Her bell voice rang through. "I didn't buy all that spandex. Please, that was so last century."

"No Alice. It seems that Bella and Edward have had some trouble in paradise." Jasper explained.

"Where are they? I thought they were in India? When did they move? I didn't see anything. Is Bella on the phone? Bella? Where are you guys? And what's this about trouble?"

I rolled my eyes. "Alice." I tried to break in her questions. "You know exactly what's going on. I'm going to dinner with another guy! And Edward's having an affair with a stinkin pole!" I screamed.

Silence on the other end. Apparently the whole Cullen clan was in the same room. I heard a few muffled chuckles in the background.

"Well," Alice breathed. "Good luck with that."

"No, no, no, no. Alice don't hang up. Remember how the first time we met, you helped me out and got revenge through me on Edward?"

"Huh-uh." Alice agreed.

"Well how about you help me out again for old times sake?"

Silence again.

"Alice? -"

"Shh!" Alice shhed me. "Alright, when you have dinner with Aladdin. -"

"Ahaj?"

"That's what I said. As I was saying, when you have dinner with Aladdin, here's what you need to do..."

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**A/N ... so... I had a blast writing this. It's so much fun to have Bella and Edward fight... I hate it at the same time but as long as there is no Jacob for her to go crying to, I'm all good. And there is no Jacob. That was pretty much unanimous. lol**

**So, okay, did I tell you about my new poll? If not go and check it out. **

**Am I getting better? Hopefully I'm raising my standards again. I think this chapter was pretty well done. Correct me if I'm wrong.**

**and if you come up with any good ideas for scenes for upcoming chapters let me know about it! I love hearing about your ideas. **

Review like the wind!

- Rosalie

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	10. Double Sided Stuff

**Okay, I just had write this. It's probably crap because I didn't feel like writing this morning and I probably shouldn't write when I don't feel like it... but here it is anyway. Oh, I thought that the fight was pretty freakin hilarious. But I guess that was just me. **

okay read on readers. Read on.

* * *

I feel like crap.

I really do. I was horrible to Edward. I can't believe I could be so... stupid and temperamental. I'm standing outside the hotel afraid to go back up. He's going to be mad at me... he won't understand, ugh, I have to see him some time. I mean we are getting married. So that makes it kind of hard to avoid someone. Oh, no. I thought wildly. What if he breaks off the marriage! And all because I had stupid mood swings. Geez, if I wasn't a virgin I'd swear I was pregnant and hormones were messing with my mind. But I couldn't talk to him. After all... he yelled back.

Another side of me said that was because you provoked him, that I scared him and it was his way of defending himself.

On the other hand... he... he... he is so ridiculous! My anger started building up again and adrenaline kicked in. I would do exactly what Alice told me to.

XoXoXoXox0x0x0x0x0x0

I feel like crap.

I really do. I was a complete imbecile to Bella. My sweet innocent, loving, worrywart, paranoid, blushing Bella. I can't believe I said those things. Blaming her calling her names, that wasn't me. Why was I so upset? Yes, she's going to dinner with another guy... but I have to have a date with another girl too. But... this is Bella. My Bella. No one else's. And I had been cruel to her. I hurt her in more ways than one.

I was pacing in the hotel room, wearing a hole through the floor.

Would she forgive me? What if she couldn't trust me again? Oh no. I thought horrified. What if she called off the wedding? I don't think I could handle that. And just because I couldn't handle my emotions. Should I care? After all... she yelled first.

My sensible side told me that no matter what Bella did I couldn't let her get away. I couldn't let myself stand by as she went along with her normal human life. Human. Humans have mood swings.

On the other hand... she is... she is so impossible! One little thing and she totally took things out of proportion. She wouldn't even listen to me let alone talk her out of doing something she'd regret. She is completely unstable. I knew this. I knew this two years ago when we were 'dating'. I must be a masochist to hang around. I decided to do exactly what Alice advised me.

0x0x0x0x0x0xoXoXoXoXoXoXo

"Emmett. Seriously. I really don't want to see your junk in you trunk. How on earth did you get a hold of so much spandex?" Jasper shirked back.

"Dude. You have no idea what you're talking about. I look hot."

_ **a/n sorry. had to add that in there**._

_ Jasper shook his head. "Vampires." He muttered as he ran downstairs where Alice sat on the couch not really looking at anything but still staring intently at something out of sight. Her hands wrapped around her bent legs and she leaned back on the back of the rocking chair, a smile playing on her lips._

"What are you up to now?" Jasper whispered in her ear and pulled on one of her spikes.

She joked. "Fixing the future from total destruction. Why? What have you been up to?"

So it was going to be one of those days.

XoXoXoXox0x0x0x0x0x0x

"Hello, Isabella. Isabella's brother." Ahaj nodded to me and Edward. He opened his mouth to say more but he closed it again and scrunched up his eyebrows. He really did seem familiar.

I felt awkward standing next to Edward. We hadn't talked since we had yelled at each other earlier. And even though it was awkward... it still felt right... I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I chanted in my head. Then it didn't feel awkward anymore. It felt like a chance to revenge myself and all of the little people.

"Perhaps you mean to say that you want to take us to a special restaurant that no one hardly knows about and the food is excellent." Edward said smoothly. Stupid gypsy mind reader.

"Sure." Ahaj smiled.

We walked quite a distance. It seemed like two hours before we finally stopped at our destination even though it was only thirty minutes. The smell wasn't bad at all. We were out a little further, close to the country I imagine. Little one level Shoppe's lined the road. It kind of looked like a third world country. Probably because it kind of is a third world country... or second world... what's the difference?

I looked the building directly in front of us. Ahaj's smile filled up his face and I got the sense of de ja vu again. I shook it off.

"This is Perdia Mehon." Ahaj stepped into a dark alleyway. "Come on. It's okay." We followed him, I, glad that Edward was there. The alleyway creped me out. I scoffed as I realized that I felt safe because Edward was there. Of course, the epitimy of safety is a vampire in a dark alleyway.

Ahaj pointed to a curtain that hung carelessly from the door. A sign read. Perdia Mehon and other type that I wasn't familiar with.

We entered. Edward froze, and I gasped out in astonishment. Alice was a genius.

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**As I've said before, I wasn't really in the mood to write this. i think I have a stomach ach... to much milkshakes last night I guess.**

**And yes, I do realize that i am evil. Deal with it. **

- Rosalie


	11. Brotherly Love, part 1

**I'm so evil. I'm spliting this in two chapters... this chapter is like the prequel if you mind. It raises a lot of questions... and none of it get answered in the one. Muahahaha... I won't be able to update fast this week. I have this work-camp I'm doing and I got a break today and two hours yesterday. So I'll write as much as I can today. Oh and I decided to use the top two picks from my poll.**

**So without further ado. Read on my readers. Read on.**

* * *

No.  
I sighed/groaned as we entered the 'restaurant'. I would have blushed if my blood system still worked correctly. Speaking of blood I haven't fed in six days and my control is waning, especially with the tension between Bella and I, which is worse than normal thirst. I had a mountainlion before we left the airport and then a stray deer behind a forest in one of the random airports we were at. Animal blood is not appetizing at all. It's like a hungry human looking at a rock to eat. For instance, Sausage, I don't hate him because I want to drink him, it's like Bella's holding a pillow with a really fast heart beat. I hate him because he is a freaking little termite that only thinks about himself.

I sighed again. I knew my distraction wouldn't hold me for too long. I looked around the large room in disgust and then settled my gaze on Bella, watching her blush and snigger.

Alice. I thought. She got her too.

I knew this was coming**,** but it still made me shudder. I knew humans were almost as disgusting and monstrous as us vampires**,** but I still never get it... understand it.

Yes, I knew the night life was prominent here in India... but now I know that it's completely normal here. Everyday, every night. I shuddered and wasn't surprised to find that only five seconds had passed.

I tried to blend into the background as Ahaj spoke to the hostess, who was in a mini-skirt, with Bella beside him and me leaning on the wall.

_Wow. He's hot. I bet he's American. Mmmm... those are always the best ones. Hmm... I don't think he has a date. Perfect...I'll make my introduction before he sits down._

I scowled at the girl who came up to me**.** I flashed my teeth at her, which I knew would have an eerie effect with the lighting here.  
Needless to say, she backed away with a shy smile and ran into the girls bathroom.

What can I say? I still have my charms from two years ago. Just last week I made a girl spill a pot of sloop on herself because I accidently walked around the corner a little to fast.

"Eh Edward?" Ahaj asked as he put down his menu.

_-Maybe he didn't hear me. Yeah, there are a lot of things to distract him in this place. I bet he'd like the meatloaf. He looks hungry and it is the best.-_

"I'm sorry. Wasn't paying attention. I'll have the meatloaf." I said trying to get on his good side. He really wasn't a bad person. If he wasn't trying to get my girl I would... meh, I'd still dislike him.

Bella ordered the veggie-burger. I didn't want to spoil it by telling her that a veggie-burger still contained 49 animal fat, but it still didn't have meat. Cows are sacred here. She also got a drink called Indi-Cola. I also ordered it, still in the habit of giving her my drink.

"So, I... hmm..." Ahaj stopped unable to continue his sentence.

He spoke to me in his native language and I translated it for him. "He was wondering if you like playing any sports." I tried to hide my smirk.  
"Oh. ugh. No. I'm horrible. I'm not even interested in that stuff. No. Just no."  
Ahaj frowned and nodded. "Okay." He looked kind of sad and embarrassed. His misery boosted my mood.  
He really wanted to ask Bella to dance with him on the stage with him, where, currently, a girl scantily dressed was shoving herself on a pole. Lovely. But really. What was he thinking? She's only known him for nine hours. Well, I knew exactly what he was thinking**,** but it didn't help.

Ahaj spoke again**,** but this time he could do it without my help. "I want you to try something here. Something to eat. It'll be here later."

After that I tried to sink into the chair as much as possible. I felt the minds of my 'classmates' here and Bella and Ahaj didn't need me right now. They were both talking about ball-room dancing. I knew just as much as this guy did**,** but I didn't feel the need to tell him that a doo-whop was originally set in 8:4. I should know. I was alive when it was created.

_Alright. Now, who is here that I can flirt with. Ugh, why is everyone with a date. Wait. Him. No. It can't be. Is that... Edward. Then she laughed and giggled in her mind. Him... I don't know. Maybe that is. If I can just get a closer look._

I quickly grabbed the menu and suddenly became interested in the dessert section. There were humans around everywhere. The whole place was radiating with their scent. Jasper wouldn't be able to stand it for two reasons. One, the smell is pretty strong. Two**,** lustful emotions are probably sinking into the walls at this moment.

I heard Ahaj's thoughts. He was about to say something he didn't know how to.

"He wants to know if you've ever seen the movie Toy-Story." Lie.

"Oh, so many times. I can't even count how many times. Like... a million. I was addicted to it when I was a kid and never really got rid of it. In the past year about thirty times." Bella smiled and blushed.

Ahaj paled and looked mortified. He spoke again to me unable to say it in English.

"He was wondering if your okay with your inability to walk in a straight line and not stumble." Lie.

"Hmm... it was a little awkward at first. I wasn't really used to it. Or at least no one else was. But now, it's kind of like my special thing. I'm really fine with it. I love it actually. Well. Sometimes. Sometimes it just hurts."

This was just too much. I couldn't help but chuckle softly at Ahaj's falling mood. Once happy and vibrant now a pitiful pile of India goop. It was irresistable to get in touch with my dark side and really enjoy this. And Bella doesn't even know what's going on! It's perfect. I could get used to this.  
Alice is a genius.

* * *

**So yeah, just part one of this sequence. I'll get part two up as quickly as possible.**

**I don't really have anything to say exept my beta's back and... review like the wind!**

- Rosalie


	12. Brotherly Love, part 2

****

For some reason I can't get this chapter to not be in bold. I've tried about seven times and when I hit save changes it just goes back to bold so, that's going to get annoying. And I'm sorry that I haven't updated in the longest time but pretty soon I hope to have a chapter coming out about everyday. That sound good? And if that doesn't happen pick on my beta and not me. Amber is a Jasper's girl. This isn't my best work but... whatev. I'm not in a good mood. Okay, so; Read on my readers, read on.

* * *

They were both acting very strangely. Edward grinning like a fool on dope and Ahaj as pale as a dead seal covered in snow and frowning just like one too. I sipped my coke wondering if it was something I said, when a girl started glided towards our table with obvious intentions in mind. She flipped her black hair as she strutted her long tan legs over to us.

She started talking in a language I can't understand. I sighed as I shrugged back into the couch not wanting to pay attention since I couldn't decode a thing. As I sat there and she rambled, I noticed Edward lean back and look down and around at everything but her. I smiled. This must be it.

"Hi. My name is Bella and this is Edward. I believe you two have met." She nodded and grinned. "Well, I think you should get to know each-other more." I said with a fake smile and practically pushed him off the booth.

He looked back at me in panic. I've never seen Edward panic. It was a beautiful yet disturbing sight. Yes, I've seen him angry, outraged, surprised, disappointed and disgusted. But panicked and slightly horrified? Never.

Oh my noodles. I thought as Edward disappeared. With my own free will, I just threw my fiancée into the lioness den. Idiot! Why did I do that? I'm a retard.

I slumped back in my seat as Ahaj started talking to me again. I didn't even hear him. He sounded somewhere in the distance talking like a teacher in the Peanut's cartoon. I was too preoccupied, waiting to see the love of my life go on stage in a Tarzan outfit or something.

I groaned out loud, which made me jump.

"What's wrong?" Ahaj asked subtly taking my hand. I stared at our hands for a while as if in a dream but I woke up and pulled away. He was too... human... to warm. It wasn't right. It didn't look right. His dark skin against my "half-albino" skin, it just didn't mesh. I smiled at him to make sure he was cool. He nodded and looked a bit displaced and put out for some reason but I couldn't think of that right now.

* * *

A/N: I don't want to go through the torture of writing how Edward stripped dance. I really don't. Use ya'lls imaginations. I really don't want to write that so take a moment and just imigine it if you will or if not, you're in the same boat with me and I'm heading for Alaska so buckle up. Don't think about it. It doesn't mean anything other than how looney I am right now.

* * *

Moley Macedonians... I thought to myself as Edward stealthily ran off stage conserving most of his vampire speed. Key word: most.

I sat back into my seat and stared and my coke, trying to control my breathing. That had to be the most... craziest thing I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot of crazy things. Have you seen Emmett stick glue all over the ceiling so he could pretend to be spider man and throw silly string and unaware passerby's... meaning me? Well I have. And that was pretty crazy.

But this, what Edward just did... I'm trying to figure out if I'm mad at him, happy for him, jealous, miffed, or just want to find the nearest Janitor's closet. I was leaning towards the latter.

I shook my head, realizing that I had gone out of it. I glanced at Ahaj for a second to see what he was doing.

Still looking at the empty stage, Ahaj's mouth started to drool a little. Feeling my gaze, he turned to me.  
"That. Was hot." He smirked a little. "Is your brother single?"  
I just stared at him for three seconds still coming to terms with what he just said.

Edward's phone began to ring beside me on the table. I picked it up, coming out of my second daze in three minutes. Any more of this and the Cullen's will have no choice but to lock me in the Looney bin with a plastic spoon as my only means for my escape. If I'm lucky I can escape when passing the monkeys and meerkats at the zoo and live with them the rest of my life.  
Wow, I have put way to much thought into this.

"Bella? Bella? I know it's you." Rosalie said on the other line.

"Sorry, I blanked out... again." I kept thinking of more escape routes.

"Yeah, okay, well I just wanted to tell you that Emmett said for me to say that Jasper told him that Alice says, that Edward is done with number two."

"Can you repeat that again?" I said half joking, half meaning it.

"I said that I wanted to tell you the Emmett said for me to say that Jasper told him that Alice says, that-"

"Okay, can you please say that first part again?"

" Bella. Don't mess with me. I control more than half the population of boys in Forks and I can use them as my henchmen as I see fit."

"Well, okay then. I won't bug you because the thought of Taylor Pierce coming after me is absolutely frightening."

I heard her growl on the other end. Taylor Pierce is the most geekiest, short, four-eyed, nicest kid I know and I've heard that when the Cullen's moved to Forks and they enrolled in high school, Taylor had the most adorable crush on her.

"Bella. Don't make do a Z. For-ma-tion." I heard her snap on the other line.

"It sounded more like an 's' to me." I tried to keep from laughing. Rosalie was too easy.

She growled. "Bella.. I liked you when we first met. I thought you were an insane child that didn't know what she was getting into. I still love you Bells, and you still are an insane little child... but now you really don't know what you're getting into." She snapped the phone shut.

I gulped. I hate to admit it. But Rosalie scared me at times and I found it incredibly easy to get over that by getting on her nerves and even more easily when she was over two thousand miles away. But now... I was scared she was going to tickle me in my sleep.

Edward's not the only dramatic one in the family; she loves to get revenge and loves to spice it up. For instance, wearing a wedding dress to kill her would-be-husband and friends, or the time Edward 'accidentally' blew up her entire shoe collection. (What's with guys and blowing things up?) Her revenge for that was... well, me actually.

"Bella?" I heard Edward's voice pull me back. "Are you okay?"

I nodded. "Rose wanted me to say, that Emmett told her, that Jasper said, that Alice said, that you could cross out number two." I sipped my coke.

He nodded and slumped back into his seat. Everyone was quiet. We said nothing. We saw nothing. Usually, I like silence sometimes, but this was the dreaded awkward silence. I was embarrassed because my fiancée just did the super-mega hot dance, Edward was embarrassed because he just did a super-mega hot dance, and Ahaj was embarrassed because Edward just did a super-mega hot dance, which made him pitch a tent in his pants. Oh, yes, the joys of the ever awkward silence.

It was rudely interrupted by a skinny waitress carrying three plates of steaming hot something towards us with a smile and set it down on our table.

"This is what we call 'something ridiculous my computer can't type'" Ahaj spoke as he straightened up with a fork in his hands.

"And what is it?" I asked again. I looked over at Edward who had the most peculiar look on his face. A little disgusted, a little happy, a little surprised, a little regretful, a little condescending and a little sick.

I was about to ask him what was wrong when Ahaj threw his arms in the air and fake yelled. "Grasshopper!"

I eyed Edward and wanted to giggle, his head hung low and swayed a tad.

"Dig in." I said to myself as I pulled apart what I hopped to be the head. I cringed and looked back at Edward, he almost had his first bite to his lips, but he couldn't do it and placed it back down on the plate. I glanced back at mine and then at Ahaj who was chowing down on the little things abdomen. Okay, so they weren't that little. They were about the size of a small chicken leg.  
I shuddered. This was so disgusting I would rather eat my uncle's pet snake. Wait a second.  
"Hey Edward." I whispered. But his phone started ringing. It was Alice.

He picked it up and two seconds later closed it. "She said that this is an exception that must be made, and the only exception allowable."

I huffed. I was about say that I would be violating the vegetarian thing if I ate this. Well, poop.

I had a big glass of milk right next to me that I would gladly use, but poor Edward didn't have anything that would help him now, except a nice dose of blood, but I think that would be a little more freaky than eating a grasshopper.

I looked over at him sympathetically, but the grasshopper was gone. He pointed to his throat. "Ate it," he said roughly. He actually said something roughly. I'd never thought I would live to see the day.

'Well,' I said to myself, 'here goes nothing.' "Down the hatch!" I spoke quietly as the whole thing disappeared into its doom.

In five seconds flat that 14-ounce milk jug was long gone.

I stumbled out of the restaurant, leaving Ahaj in there to his gaiety. No pun intended. I saw Edward already leave earlier, so I went to go find him and go home.

"Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater." I said as I spied Edward coughing up the grasshopper behind the building.

"Bella, I had to. Human food, of any kind, isn't supposed to enter my body. I can of course, but I have to cough it back up later. You can check with Alice if you want to."

I shrugged. Edward didn't lie, and I already knew that.

I grabbed his hand and we started walking down the road together.

I heard running from behind and turned to see Ahaj coming towards us.

"I'm sorry Bella. I didn't mean for you to leave. But I would really like to stay here if you don't mind. I'm sure your brother wouldn't mind looking after you."

I smiled at Edward, who had that twinkle in his eye. "He isn't my brother. He's my fiancée."

"And I will guard her with my life."

I didn't even see the shocked and appalled look on Ahaj's face as we turned around again and Edward placed his arm around my waist, as we walked back to our hotel.

I was still slightly mad at him and didn't want to make a truce yet, partly because I was dead tired and the grasshopper wasn't setting well in my stomach. To bad they don't have any Tums.

I sighed as I slumped down on my awkward bed, so tired I couldn't even see my eyelids close.

I faintly heard Edward say softly, "Don't worry Bells. I'll always be here, beside you. Have pleasant dreams, my love, for tomorrow we go home."

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A/N yuppers. I'm not feeling so hot right now so I'm not in the mood to say something funny or stupid like I ussually do. Sorry if I disapointed anybody with not writing Edward dancing. I feel kind of bad about it too, but I could never get it right. So, if you guys really want to, you can write it.

As always; Review like the wind.

- Rosalie


	13. Save the Last Dance for Me

A/N Okay, so if you didn't review for the last chapter please do. It would make me so happy and then I'll write more. And in this chapter I'm using this idea from a reader named caww. Thank you! And there is also a musical insert in here, so look on youtube for Micheal Buble - Save the Last Dance for Me. Okay. Everyone settled in? Good. Read on my readers. Read on.

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I sighed as I put my hair into a ponytail. We were leaving and I didn't even get the chance to get my ballroom dancing done. I had gotten the date and grasshopper crossed off, and Edward had gotten the strip-dancing, which still made me hyperventilate each time I thought about it, and the grasshopper done. Maybe I could swing by the studio once more and get it done..

I decided to do that**,** so I picked up my dancing shoes and walked out of the bathroom.

Edward was on the computer checking stocks, most likely**,** as he turned to me.

"Where are you going?" He smiled and cocked his head to one side.

"The studio. I'm hoping to get my dance things done before we go. Maybe I could get that new guy I saw there yesterday. He seemed pretty good." I was mainly talking to myself.

Edward grinned and walked to the door of our room. He nodded in my direction for me to follow him.

I frowned and raised an eyebrow**,** but he just beckoned to me so I shrugged and humored him as we walked up two flights of stairs. He opened these large double doors. I looked inside them and gasped. It was a huge ballroom. With wooden floors and maroon colored walls with large windows. I looked back to Edward only to find that he wasn't there.

"Come here." He said standing next to a CD player. I walked over to him. "You know the basics of the tango right?"

I nodded.

"And the basics of the waltz, tequila, foxtrot and quickstep?"

I nodded remembering the footing.

"Good." He smiled brightly. How could anyone not love this man**?** I stumbled towards him and put my hands in their appropriate places. Edward pushed a button on the player and put his hand on my waist. He walked me over to the middle of the room.  
**_Music: Michael Buble- Save the Last Dance for Me. (GO find it now on you tube or something. And press play)_**

When the music started, I practically jumped out of my skin. It was fast and complicated sounding. But when Michael started singing it got quieter and Edward started to lead me. It was nothing like ever before. I thought it was slightly less awkward with with Ahaj, but with Edward it just came naturally. He knew me so well that every move of my muscles made was complimented with Edward. It was so amazing. Why didn't I do it first with Edward before?!

I know what it feels like to be Edward now. Well, with music at least. I found myself just falling into step with it. It became me, the music. No, that's incorrect**,** it became us. We danced for what seemed like hours. I didn't mind. I never wanted it to end. I can't describe it right, I would never be able to transmit the same feelings. I sighed as the music came to a stop**,** as did we. I leaned against Edward's chest and inhaled deeply, enjoying his scent.

"So." Edward started. "What do you want to do now?"

I smiled. "Come on." I grabbed his hand and we ran down the hallway. Edward asked what I was doing**,** but I ignored him and kept searching. Finally**,** he stopped me.

"I'm looking for the janitor's closet." I shuffled my feet.

Edward smiled. "The nearest one is on the Fourth floor to the right of the vending machine. Here's the key." He held up the shiny metal object in his hand. "I have feeling you don't have any janitorial needs though."

"No, but I have other's." And I ran off to the stairs with Edward right beside me.

XoXoXoXoXoXoXox0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0

"Slow down Bella. Where's the fire?" Edward mumbled as he tried to contain my movements.

"Everywhere. There's fire everywhere." I mumbled back as Edward helped me hitch my leg around his hips. He pressed me into the wall and put his hands on either side of my face showing me that there was no running away.  
We stayed like that until I started to feel an oozing down my back.

"Um... Edward?" My hands, legs, face and lips, just dropped... Well, not my lips because that would be disgusting.

"What's wrong?" He breathed.

"Well, unless sticky goop going down my back is the norm then nothing is wrong and we can continue where we left off**,** but right now I'm not in favor." I turned around to let Edward see whatever it was going down.

He started laughing. "I think the formaldehyde wanted some loving too. I pressed you into the window cleaner."

I sighed. "This place does have its draw-backs." I grumbled.

"Well, I can't let you go on with that poison on your back."

I think I knew where he was going. "But what are you going to do about it?"

"This." He smiled.

"What?"

"I just did it." His grin became even huger and he started laughing. "Look down love."

"Ack! Where's my shirt?"  
Edward laughed even harder**,** but he raised his hand which held my top.

"So, shall we find a different wall?" I said once I got over the shock and my blush just peeked its color of neon red. I mean, come on. He just took of my shirt it .001 mili-seconds. I was surprised I didn't faint right there.

Edward grabbed my waist and ran his hands and arms all over my back and arms. He inhaled deeply. "There's an empty wall right there." He said lowly and seriously as his eyes smoldered into mine.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"The janitor." I whispered, trying to cover my exposed skin.

"Yes?" Edward called in an accent that would fit in with this country.

I wasn't blushing now. I was pale. We were caught. I, without my shirt**,** and Edward with lip-gloss all over his Man-God face. I sank down the wall.  
Then my leg started bobbing and of course**,** I had to pee. I hate it when you're trying to hide and then all of a sudden the urge to use the Lou comes about. It's very annoying. One time when I was a kid, I was playing hide-n-go-seek and I hide under a bunch of bushes. Then of course, I had to pee, but that was okay, I could normally handle it. Key word. Normally. I started bobbing and whimpering and holding my crotch, trying to keep it together. Yes, I was actually afraid it was going to explode. So I would try to tell myself to just let it go, just try and keep the feeling of bursting to leave.  
Then the person who was 'it' came over to my bush with all the other people he had caught. Then they all started running and screaming away. I guess I would too if I saw a bush moaning and shaking and every once and awhile screaming, "Go away!"  
But when I decided to move I headed for the safety tree. I saw the 'it' coming towards me so I yelled at him. "You better back up or I'm going to pee on you! And you're going to get COOTIES!"

Needless to say I became Hide-n-seek queen.

The person who knocked started talking in a language I didn't know.

I watched Edward grin and open the door a little. He spoke in the same language she did. He nodded and closed the door.

Edward pulled me up to a stand.  
"What was that?"

"Apparently, I'm fired. I guess I was never much of a Janitor anyway." He locked the door and started where we left off.

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We landed at the airport in record time. Three hours before we left.

I was tired and I couldn't see things straight or remember everything. I still blanked out every now and then and thought of how the ice-cream man would have a space large enough for one insane asylum escapee.

I remember that I was bombarded with cold hugs and laughs and screams that most likely came from Alice. I could remember the massive hug from Emmett and the tender one from Esme. Rosalie seemed to have calmed down a bit**,** but I still didn't believe she was done with me, either way she gave me a very thoughtful hug.

We all got into the limo they rented to drive back to Forks together. I remember Alice pulling out a bag.

"Here, Bella, this is for you. It's your welcome home gift."

I just nodded. I hated presents but I was too tired to object and too out of it to want to. She threw the bag at me**,** which hit me square in the forehead. You'd think they'd learn that I couldn't catch even when I was conscious.

I remember pulling out a jacket with a bunch of straps on it.

"What?" I said confused.

Alice smiled. "It's your Straight Jacket for when you move into the mental institution. We thought they'd be easy on you if you came with your very own jacket."

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A/N

So, yeah, they are home! That makes me happy. Oh, almost everything I wrote about India is probably not true. lol. I've been to Peru a couple of times and so the stuff I wrote was what I've experinced in Peru. Well, it didn't smell horrible, but there was so much smog that I never saw the sky blue and they do have dead chickens just hanging around in their marketplace. I'm not sure about the grasshopper thing either, but Peruvians love to eat roasted guinea-pig. So hey, you never know.

Okay, so I think in almost every chapter I'm going to have something not right. Like, in one chapter I listed enchiladas as a type of animal and there have been a few others. But now I'm going to make it official and about every chapter will have an easter-egg like that. There is one in this one. It's kind of stupid though. Like really, it's stupid. But if you guess right you get an invisible milshake of your choice.

Okay, review like the wind!

- Rosalie


	14. Boredom

We were all outside on the Cullen's lawn, just lounging around. Emmett and Jasper were throwing rocks in the nearby river, somewhere behind the trees, as I watched thebeautiful sparkles land on the grass.

Edward was happier. Either it was because, we were out of the stinky city with blood everywhere**,** but no blood for him to drink, or because we were over two thousand miles away from Ahaj.

Alice strode up to us. Oh-uh. I thought. Never good.

"What are you guys doing**?**!" She threw her hands up in the air. "You need to be knocking things off the list! You only have... not much time!" She said after a little hesitation.

I groaned. "We'll get it done. We're just taking a break from all the chaos that you put us into. We deserve it."

Edward agreed.

Alice huffed and pouted**,** but if she wants things crossed of the list today she can do it herself.

Esme came up and petted my hair for a few minutes. I really like Esme. Of course I love her. I almost love her more than my own mom. She practically is my mom now. "What would you like for dinner dear." Esme was the only vampire in the coven that wasn't absolutely disgusted by the smell of human food, so she liked to try and cook for me.

"Hmm..." I contemplated. "I'm in the mood for some breakfast food. Pancakes, and eggs and bacon. Yeah, that sounds good." I nodded to myself.

"Okay, scrambled?" I nodded.

"And do you want your bacon crispy or soft?"

"Soft?"

"And no sausage?"

"No, no sausage... SAUSAGE!" I yelled and jumped up. "OH, man!" I moaned out loud. "Poor thing." I rushed into the house with everyone's eyes on me.

XoXoXoXox0x0x0x0x0x

I sat it my room, lying deflated on my bed trying to persuade Sausage to come out from under my dresser.  
"Cat. Cat come here. Cat. You better come here or I'm going to come there." I said uselessly and lowly.

Jessica took excellent care of little Sausage, he was fat and chubby and possibly the cutest little thing. But once it was in my car and alone with me it instantly looked five pounds thinner and scared to death.

"Am I that bad of a driver?" I had asked him. He replied with a pathetic meow. Too bad I flunked Cattish in high school.

I jumped off of the bed and decided to get him food and water**,** so he could get along by himself, when Edward climbed through my window.

"Aren't we acting a little high-schoolish?" I raised my eyebrows at him and ignored the water I spilled from jumping.

"Well, I was changed being seventeen so I will always be a silly teenager at heart." He put a hand over his defective heart dramatically.

"Well, you're my silly teenager." I smiled. "So what are you doing here?"

"I was bored." He shrugged.

"Me too." I sighed and we both slumped onto my bed at the same time**,** with the same expressions.

We tried to figure out what to do.

"Want to go bowling?" I asked**.** He shook his head.

"Remember the last time we went bowling? I still haven't gotten over that." Edward shuddered. "Bowling will never be the same again."

"Sorry." I mumbled.

"We could go see a movie**,**" he said.

"There's nothing good out." I stated.

"Oh..."

I sighed. "You know we could-"

"No, Bella. Not today."

"There isn't anything else to do!"

"We... uh... we could go for... a walk... ugh fine. What else do we have to do?" He said resigned.

We both pulled out our list. Yesterday I tried to throw mine into the fireplace**,** but when I got back to my room it was still there, sitting on my desk. That was a total Twilight Zone moment.

"Hmm... cliff diving, hunting, what do you have that seems doable?" I asked leaning over to see his list.

"Nothing on here seems doable except spend over 200,000 dollars and get married. Everything else seems impossible."

"What about fishing." I eyed the first thing on his list. He shrugged.

I jumped up and called somebody. "Hey dad, Edward would love to go fishing with you. Is it too late in the day?"

It was. We had to wait till early morning. "And tell Edward to get a good night's sleep, we need to be up at around four to get going."

"Okay, I'll send the message." I didn't try to hide my smirk. "And also, I would like to go hunting sometime. I can't remember if you hunt."

"No, not since I was twenty something**,** but my friend and his son does. Wow, this is such coincident. I think they were going to go bird hunting tomorrow morning as well. I'll hook you up Bells."

We talked a little more about what I would need and just talked. I closed the phone and turned to Edward.

"Okay Mister, you have to wake up bright and early tomorrow, none of that sleeping in that you do."

He rolled his eyes and we both left the house to get something to eat. Well, for me to get something to eat.

0x0x0x0x0xoXoXoXoXoXoXo

I watched the green pass by, interrupted now and then by signs. I saw a white speed limit sign and turned to Edward.

"Hey, go ahead and do number five while we are here."

"No. Way. Are you kidding me! It's thirty miles per hour here! I can't go fifteen. I haven't gone fifteen miles per hour in... you know what... I've never gone fifteen miles per hour. Not even when I was human! Well, that was only because my parents wouldn't let me drive their precious car, but... still. No way, Bella. Let's find a road with the speed limit of... ninety-five. I could handle that." He nodded to himself. "Yeah, I'll google that."


	15. I Googled It

**Short chapter, sorry, I haven't updated in awhile. I won't be updated this week either which cuts it close to make a certain deadline so I'm gonna be crackin at it when I come back. Okay, this is defentily not my best, it's too short to really count but it's something. Okay read on my readers, read on.**

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It was a familiar place. The high ceilings covered in acrylic paint to match the rough multi-purple carpet. The desks that stretched out in a line for who knows how long and the people in single file in front of them waiting to get their tickets and bag checked. It seemed like I was just here two days ago. Oh yeah, I was.

"Edward" I hissed. "What are we doing here?" I asked as I waited by a column for Edward to grab the tickets and walk to the security station.

"This is an air-port. These are tickets to get in an air-plane. And that air-plane is going to fly. So we are going to fly." Edward said calmly, pretending to be oblivious to my red -angry face.

"Where on earth are we going**?**!" I whispered exasperated. "We have to be home tomorrow at four! We don't have time to take a trip on a whim. I barely have time to get my full eight hours of sleep, let alone go across the country!"

"I never said we were going across the country." Edward looked back at me. This sentence relived me a little. At least now we won't be traveling so far and might make it back in-time. "No, we're going across the world!" He smiled at me.

My little hope got obliterated.

I backed up and took a breath. "Why?" I said through my teeth.

"Well, you said to get number five done. So, I'm getting number five done."

"By going to some distant country?! How on earth? Why? What? You could just do it here or... it doesn't matter Edward. It's only for twenty minutes."

"Bella you don't understand. Out of all of the things on the list, going fifteen miles under the speed limit is one of the most ridiculous."

"Oh, so kissing someone else isn't as crazy?"

"Nope. Because I wouldn't mean it. So it's not the same, but driving is something completely different."

I growled and stalked off. How could he see driving slower more preposterous than kissing someone other than me. I stopped suddenly and shook my head, realizing that I had become so very selfish.

"Bella, you don't understand. You can't comprehend the need for speed because your not one of us yet."

I groaned. He would, of course, bring that up.  
"I goggled this, okay?"

I laughed suddenly out of the blue and turned to Edward. "Let's get on the stupid plane."  
As we sat down on our seats in First Class I thought about a way to make the Straitjacket more comfortable and stylish.

XoXoXoXoXo0x0x0x0x0x0x

The hills were a dark green, but that might only be because of the night sky's cloud cover over everything. An eerie chill seemed to ride on the slight breeze that roamed through the land. An owl hooted in the distance then everything was silent. A shiver ran down my spine as Edward silently drove the rental car up to me. It was raining**,** but if your eyes were closed you wouldn't hear it.

I smirked at Edward as I climbed in the passenger seat. "You got a sports car to go under the speed limit?"

"Vampire's vice, I guess you could call it." He also had a smirk playing around his lips.

As I leaned back on the seat I stared out the moon roof and watch the stars whiz by. "Germany's spooky at night." I commented, almost closing my eyes. "Are you going under the speed limit?" Raising my eyebrows I turned to look at the speed-omiter.

"Well, sort of, I guess you could say." The smirk played on his lips again.

My eyes adjusted so I could read the numbers of how fast he was going. "What the crap Edward! You're going one-fifteen! I thought you said you were going under the speed limit?" I turned to look at him, sure that my face spelled disgust.

"Well, I said I was sort of going under." He pursed his lips together now to keep from smirking.

"What's the big deal?" I groaned. "I'm calling Alice."

Too late the phone was already ringing. Edward sighed. "Don't answer it. It's wrong number." He rubbed his knuckles on his forehead.

It was my time to smirk and I picked it up. "Alice! Edward's being completely impossible. He's going one-fifty and he thinks it counts. Why on earth would-"

"Whose this?" A girl answered from the other line.

"Uh... um... Bella." I straightened up and looked at Edward for help**,** but he was staring at the mountains to the side of him.

"Who is this?" I asked back.

"This is Amber from Pizza Parlor on Greenwood Avenue, Forks." I wanted to retort with something sarcastic. "I think I have the wrong number." She said hesitantly and hung-up.

Edward smiled at me. "See. You should have listened to me. Wrong number." He reached to brush a piece of hair out of my face.

"Yeah, well, next time I'll Google it." I huffed.

A few minutes went past and I remembered to ask Edward, "So why do you think Alice will let you off on this one? You seriously can't fool her into thinking that there is actually a speed limit sign that says one thirty on it can you?"

"Nope. I don't have to. Because, there is no speed limit here. So, I can go as fast as I want on my own speed limit. So, right now, I'm going under my normal speed limit." He smiled to himself.

"That is so incredibly not going to work." I laughed.

"She hasn't called me yet." Edward said proudly.

Edward's 13 Things He's Never Done: #5 - Done.

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Alrighty, so, does anyone have any hunting/fishing tips, I have the next chapter pretty much done but any of those would be awesome before I leave.

Um... you guys are slacking off with the reviews, so you, yes you, the one sitting at the computer, if you want to waste three seconds of your time please hit the review button and say yupperdoodle. Yes. type **yupperdoodle**. do it now. Thank you. If you have more to say please feel free to do so. D

You rock my socks! I'm entering this story in a contest that has a deadline of July 11th and it's going to be tarturas to make it, so help me out! Review! ideas! Invisible smiles! Thankyou.

- Rosalie

review like the wind...


	16. Fish, Line and Sinker pt 1

**Wow, you guys are totally rocking. yeah, not slacking off anymore. Can you guys do that again? Anyway, you all get invisible milkshakes, but they are backed up in the wearhouse so it might be a while till you get them. Don't blame me. Okay, so here is the next chapter. Duh. Oh, and please don't get to mad at me, this had to happen. I can't say what, but I needed this to take place, not mattr how many of you... And here ya go. Read on my readers read on.**

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"Morning Bella." A velvet voice whispered in my ear. I groaned and pulled the covers over my head**.** Only to realize that he was under them with me. "You have to get up my love." A cold hand pressed against my cheek.

I groaned and heaved myself up. "Okay, but I'm not doing anything else, Humphrey."

"What?"

I turned around lazily and caught my mistake. "Oh, sorry Edward. I had a dream about Humphrey Bogart and that kind of meshed with my dream about you so from now on when ever you touch me I just think of Humphrey Bogart." I said dramaticly and shrugged, trying to hide my smile.

"Well, at least it's decent competition for once." He gave me his crocked grin and moved his hands wanting me to get ready.

I grabbed my gear and headed off for the bathroom. I emerged completely decked out in hunting gear from the brown boots to the neon bright orange cap.

Edward tried to hide his smirk at my appearance**,** but I waved at him as if to say I know what I look like you don't have to keep up any pretenses.

"Well, you know... you... you look like... um... well... you could... well..."

"Don't say anything Edward. You might hurt yourself." I had borrowed all my stuff from my dad so... well, you can imagine how everything fit SO perfectly.

As we walked down the steps together, Edward tried to give me some pointers. "Alright, when you see something to attack, don't immediately jump at it. You have to eye the surrounding area, get a good lay of the land, and watch for any pedestrians that may be watching. Then, when you get this feeling, that's when you charge."

"Edward." I had to stop him. "I'm going hunting with my gun. Not my razor sharp vampire teeth."

He looked at me unfathomably. "Oh. Right." He shuffled his feet and smiled. "But don't get to attached Bella."

"Yea, I know. I can't keep naming all the deer Bambi and Rudolph." I sighed, realizing that most of the fun was going to be tacking out the game now.

"I didn't mean the deer Bella. I meant your companions you're going with." His smile faded**,** but there was still humor in his eyes. He kissed me on the cheek. "I'll be back later." With that he disappeared through the back door.

Just at that moment a knock resounding from the entrance way and I opened the door. I gasped and my mood come up to top level.

"Morning Bells. Ready to go?" A familiar thick voice came up and I turned to the speaker, Embry Call.

I took a deep breath. "I thought that I was going with one of Charlie's friends and there son?..." Embry faked his hurt feelings.

"Yeah, well, my dad couldn't come... he uh... well, he's detained. So, ready to go?"

"Yea. Let's go." I headed out the door without looking at Jacob.

XoXoXoXox0x0x0x0x0x0x

Edward sat at the edge of the river bobbing his knee up and down. His patience was running out. He could easily catch all the fish in a one mile radius with his bare hands in less than five minutes**,** but no he has to sit here for thirty minutes and he still hasn't caught one.

"Relax Edward." Charlie called to him. "Just enjoy the scenery and the smells of the great outdoors. Don't see it as a race. Just let peace fill you and lower you blood pressure."  
His patience was almost non-existent now and it took everything to refrain himself from yelling he didn't have a freaking blood pressure. He tried to do as Charlie said and let it all roll off. But this wasn't exactly what vampires were built to do. Waiting. Waiting for a fish to bite. His kind was meant to take it. There is an amount of waiting, for the right opportunity, the best show, but he never waiting for a mountain lion to just have the whim of walking to the strange smelling statue with dangerous vibe's rolling off him. No, he had to take it. Pounce! The mountain lion would never in a million years come to Edward, he had to come to it.

"Don't bob your knee like that. They might be able to hear it from under the water."

He stopped and realized something. Edward had an advantage the other fishermen don't have, he could read minds.

"Come here fishy, fishy, fishy." He said so low not even a dog could hear. "Edward doesn't want to hurt you. Yea, that's it. It's just a little worm. And you're awfully hungry. That's it."

He got a bite and yanked and started to pull. "Yes!!" Edward jumped and grabbed the air. "This littlie fishy went to market and got eaten!" He pulled him out and decided to step down off of his high-horse.

"Great Edward. You caught Pupfish. The smallest fish in this area. Keep up the good work**,** but be a little quieter, you're scaring away the important fish."

0x0x0x0x0x0xoXoXoXoXoXoXo

"So, Bells. Have you ever shot a bow before?" Embry asked.

Nope. I shook my head.

"Okay, how about a rifle? A shotgun? Have you ever seen a gun?"

"Yes, Embry." I laughed. "I have seen 'em once or twice in my life time." he handed me a shotgun and shook his head. Jacob walked over and took a rifle. He leaned over me and sniffed.

"You should have taken a shower. You're carrying the leech scent and it'll scare 'em off." He stated bluntly.

"Sorry." I mumbled, hoping that maybe we would be able to be on better terms after this.

Embry nodded. "You do smell pretty awful.." He agreed. "I wouldn't want to give you a hug if I didn't know who you are." he smiled. "Well, actually, I still wouldn't want to give you a hug." He frowned. "But I'll give you this." He smiled again and chased me around then roughed up my hair and swung me around.

When he set me back down I was laughing so hard I couldn't see. "You remind me of my brother." I gasped.

"I didn't know you had a brother." Jake and Embry said at the same time.

"No... I meant... um... I meant Emmett."

They got quiet and started heading off into the woods. Oh, this is going to be fun.

0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0

"So, Edward, why do you want to go fishing all of the sudden? I mean, I know it's not your thing... I think I might know why but I'll let you do it." Charlie smiled.

Edward took a double-take. "Um, Mr. Swan, I'm already engaged to your daughter... remember?" Edward pulled on the line and threw it back out.

"Oh, that's right. Wow, that's embarrassing. How long has it been?"

"About one year Mr. Swan. Two years since I've known her." Edward kept throwing the line back out even though he knew there was no fish in this part of the lake at this moment."

"Really? Dang. I mean, of course I knew that! I was just making sure... you knew that... so when's the date?"

"Sometime before the summer ends... a couple of weeks, we actually haven't set it." Edward shrugged. No matter how long he thought about it he never really thought about the date and the making of it. Edward just sees it happening.

"What? You don't know when? Oh, Edward, you have to do better than that. Come on, man, you do have to put some effort into it. Trust me... I know." Charlie chuckled and shook his head. "Good times. Good times." He muttered under his breath. "Actually, quite terrible. Oh look! I got one!" Charlie reeled in his bait that had a big bass on the end of it.

"Hey, Charlie, I hear some... I mean, uh, I have a good feeling that there would be more fish on the other side there about a quarter mile down."

--

"Hello Isaac! Hey Amber." Charlie whispered loudly to the two poeple sharing the shore that Edward and Charlie just walked on.

X0X0X0X0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0

"Okay, first rule of guns... When you... NEVER point it at somebody." Embry shoved the barrel of my gun away from his face.

"Sorry, I... uh... okay, I don't have an excuse that time." I smiled weakly and Embry laughed nervously while Jacob shook his head and scowled.

"Baby but." I muttered under my breath as we headed into the forest.

"What did you call me?" Jacob called to me.

"Hmm... oh, I called you a baby butt. I would have said a lot worse but Embry doesn't need to hear it." I said over my shoulder but kept walking. I could imagine him scowling at me and shivering with anger.

"Um, Bella, I really don't think you should do that. Jaco- I mean, we are all very temperamental, it wouldn't be wise to test us." Embry said in a serious tone.

"It isn't very wise to test me." I muttered back, thinking about breaking the first rule in guns.

* * *

**Ello, so what do you think. Rate it on a scale from 1 to 7. Why? I don't know. It sounds kind of fun...**

**Next chapter is going to be a flashback. That's going to be cool**. **I think. I haven't written it yet, and I won't have time till saturday. So this kind of sux. I might possibly be able to write tomorrow morning. We'll see. **

Review like the wind!

- Rosalie


	17. Fish, Line and Sinker pt 2

**_EPOV_**

I stared at the two people next to us and tried to figure out their minds. It's a habit of mine, makes life a little more interesting. But once I find out their dirty little secret or their personality patterns, it's not fun anymore and kind of disturbing. Of course, I already knew Ambers...

(Flash-back - que fuzzy boarders and wind sound effects like "Lost")

"Oh! Pizza! Okay then. Go ahead. I'll wait." Bella said putting her hands under her chin and smiling so innocently at me.  
Our first date. I couldn't figure it out. Yesterday night she was so incredible and had something different than any other girl that I had ever seen or heard. I didn't realize it was because she was a crazy psycho lunatic. One minute she's nice the next she is going totally bonkers on me. I would use other words, but my mother, Elizabeth ingrained manners into me so hard I couldn't forget them in my vampire life. I realize I was only able to keep my cool and not tell Bella to get a counselor, because I could handle all my dad's clients and co-workers with a gentle-man's touch. My father, Edward the first**,** was a lawyer, but that was in the past. The far-far away past. Right now I was dealing with a girl that resembled Luna Lovegood, except for the fact that she isn't a witch. But who was I to judge?  
I glided to the counter to wait in line and order the pizza.

"Hello, welcome to pizza palace, my name is Amber. What can I get for you?" The girl wearing the worker's, red and orange top with a black hat greeted me at the cash register.

"I'll have a medium, half-cheese and half Canadian bacon pizza, and a coke."  
I saw Amber cock her head slightly to the side, around my shoulder to stare at the insane girl that was my date. I smiled crookedly, wanting to say, yeah, be thankful you're behind that cash register, but she waved me down the counter to pick up my pizza.  
I sat the pizza down in-front of Bella and apparently she decided to take a break from crazy and I relaxed slightly**,** but still bracing myself for anything.  
I watched her eat. I've never actually watched someone eat human food. It disgusted me too much, but I found myself staring at her as she chewed her pizza. I saw how she swallowed and noticed the lump in her throat move down with the bite of pizza on its way to being digested. It was relaxing. Like staring at fish, or petting a cat. Except, I would never know about that. Animals avoided us at all costs, even fish sometimes, but their smelling isn't very good.

"Edward, why aren't you eating?"  
I shrugged and mumbled something about not being hungry. She opened her mouth and yelled, "Eat it!" I nearly fell out of my seat in surprise.  
When I came back I started nibbling little pieces of pizza not looking forward to when I would have to spit it back up. We didn't talk the entire time we ate, which didn't seem to bother either of us. But I found it just a little unsettling, waiting, tense, anticipating when she sprang next. I was determined to make this work. The money didn't mattermuch to me, but just the bragging rights were what I wanted to call my own. And this is the only girl I have met that was able to be in a four foot radius of me and notcompletely freak out, if she was a crazy person, I'd take it.  
I tried to make small talk, ask her about Forks, how long she's lived here, where she went to college, but that was a mistake.  
Never in my life will I ask her simple questions like that again. Then somehow she started talking about wicker baskets. I couldn't take it any more.  
It just got weirder and weirder I tried to find relief in the bathroom... not that kind of relief, but Alice called me and news just got better and better.  
I came out and struck a conversation again, knowing slightly what I was dealing with, but suddenly she jumped up and said she had to go check on her phytoplankton.  
My phone rang. "Alice." I answered angrily. "What on ear-"  
"No, not Alice, Rosalie." Her deep voice sounded through the speakers.  
"Oh, Hello. What do you want?"  
"I just have to say. That I'm really sorry.. Alice has been telling us what's going on and it's so... weird. I'm sorry. This has gotten all topsy tervie. Don't get me wrong it's hilarious. But man, I pity you. Emmett and Jasper are just waiting till you get home so they can laugh at you..."  
We talked more and when we hung up I was more down then when Jasper is playing let's-pick-on-people'- emotions game.  
I sat down in the chair that Bella had just proclaimed her love for wicker-baskets in, and I put my hands to my forehead just trying to get all the voices in my head to shut-up and let my, own self think. But then again the voices were a source of distraction. I just wanted to get away. Normally, I would play my piano to leave this world**,** but waiting for me at home are two very annoying brothers waiting to pulverize me with stupid dating advice and criticism.

"Is everything okay?" The girl called Amber asked behind my shoulder.  
"Yes, everything is fi-... No**; **actually, everything is messed up."  
"What's wrong?"  
"That girl..."  
"The one who said she needed to check with her phytoplankton?"  
"Yea, that one." Who else would I be talking about? "She's driving me crazy. I... I just don't know what to do."  
"Dump her." Amber shrugged. I could see an ulterior motive in her mind.  
"I can't. It's a long story. Well, not really but, I don't even know where to explain."  
"S'kay. I know what it's like. Besides, she's very pretty," Her eyes tightened for a seconds. "But, if you need anything to help, here, have this."  
Her phone number.

We talked a couple of more minutes. Just enough time to find out that she, like everything girl in Forks, is madly in love with the thought of me, and that she really hated seeing me depressed and backed into a corner. I didn't let her get closer than four feet within me for more reasons than one.

As I went home I pulled out the phone number again.  
(End flash-back- wind sound-effect from "Lost" flashbacks)

I hated to admit it. But I actually used it a couple of times. Just purely for encouragement though. My family was no help. They all wanted me to fail. Okay, well, there was that one time, where she tricked me into having dinner with her**,** but that's only because we talked on the phone when she told me that her brother was in an accident and needed help and we could all have dinner. Since I was on the phone I couldn't see her real reasons and the fact that she didn't have a brother. I loved the phone call I gave her when I told her that Bella and I were engaged. But, I guess, the fact that it's been one year since we were engaged made her think that I was having doubts... or waiting for somebody else.

"Hello Amber." I said politely as Charlie and Isaac started talking. I never broke contact with Amber's eyes. I wanted to show her that I wasn't afraid of her and that I held the upper hand. But, as most of my intentions, it had the exact opposite effect. I scowled and turned away, getting ready to throw my line into the water to start fishing.  
I was grumbling in my head to block out the thoughts that I didn't want to hear**,** but I couldn't help this one get by, "Poor Edward, he must be living in denial. It's been one year and a date hasn't been set? Well, that's what, I've heard anyways. Hmm..." Amber**,** Isaac, and Charlie almost had the exact same thoughts. You'd be surprised how many family members have the same thinking process and don't even know it.

"So, when are you getting married**?**" Isaac asked softly, not wanting to scare the fish away.

"July tenth." I said with meaning and stared at Amber trying to get my message across right. Unfortunately and predictably, she misinterpreted my glare as, "I'm getting married in two weeks you better move fast.."  
Then she did the last thing I would have expected out of anybody. She threw down her fishing-pole and lunged at me with full force lip power. Her lips touched mine for two seconds then she stammered back with a look of total horrification on her face. Amber really looked demented. She shivered and I froze**,** still confused on what she just did, and wondering if she really did it or was just thinking about kissing me. Oh the life of a vampire. You'd think I'd be able to get away from petty human drama. Nope... just amplified as everything else is about me. I'm amped. Her lips were... wrong. It didn't feel right. It was like someone pressed a fish to my lips.

I looked franticly to Charlie and Isaac and searched through their mind. They hadn't seen a thing. They were talking about fishing tactics. I looked over at Amber who was thinking gibberish. "Cold, hard. Not right. Scary. Eyes. Cold. Hard. Not right. Hurt. Teeth. Hurt. Burn. Eyes. Scary. Cold. Cold. Not right. Not right. Not human. No burn anymore." Then she opened her mouth and screamed bloody-murder and started running into the nearby patch of trees. Yeah, that's going to take years of counseling to fix.

Charlie and Isaac looked back lazily. "Dang. Scared the fish away."

Edward Cullen's 13 Things He's Never Done: # 11 Kiss someone else - finished. (Even though according to Alice he didn't kiss back, Esme said it counted and mom has supremacy over all games held at the Cullen house.)

(#10 Date Someone Else- also finished-- Edward lied. Silly Edward.)

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**AN**

Okay, so I realized, this story is almost over... There's like... I don't know seven, six more chapters left. Weird huh? Felt like I just started it.

And again, you there, with the funny looking face on your head. Yes you. I really mean you, yes, the one looking at the computer screen. Who else would I be talking about. I would like you type one word in the review box. And that's all. I won't hold you to any other typing. I just want you to say. **Back-pack. **Can you handle that? Good. just type **Back-pack.**

Other news, hmmm I don't have other news... I'll be starting up my other stories in about two weeks, so if your bored I would gladly recommend you read them. I think they are awesome but I'm a little bias.

Oh! Have you read the first chapter of Breaking Dawn? I have. And I don't like it. It feels wrong. I don't know what it is, but it has this vibe i don't like. Plus the fact that they had a couple of pages dedicated to Jacob. I wasn't happy about that. But whatever. I actually have to say I'm not to exicted about the next book. Of course I'm exited about it... but... I'm not looking-forward to it. Anywho, review. Please. And review like the wind.

- Rosalie


	18. Fish, Line and Sinker pt 3 1st Rule

"Wow. You really suck Bella." Jacob laughed at Embry's statement. It was true. You know the saying, "You can't even hit the side of a barn**?" **Well, I really can't hit the side of a barn. In fact, I can't even shoot without being jolted and jarred backwards. The only time I hit something was when I was aiming for something in a forty-five degree angle away from it. No one was safe.

"Yeah, Bella," Jacob still laughed. "Maybe you should put that down." He smiled and lowered my gun. At least we were getting along now. He wasn't mad anymore... I think that was because it's impossible to be mad at somebody who sucks so badly and is making losers out of themselves. If that's what it takes. I thought.

Then it happened. I broke the first rule of gunmanship. You know the one, I'm talking about. The **'**don't point the gun at anyone**'** rule. It wasn't my fault really. Jacob was standing right in front of me actually holding the gun himself.

BAM!  
I was thrown backwards and heard a profanity blast from Jacob's lips that I won't repeat. I started screaming and running around like a maniac yelling, "I killed him! I killed Jacob! I killed him! I'm a murderer, oh, lock me in jail! I deserve to die. AHHH!! I'm such a bad person. I killed him! I killed hi-" Someone tapped me on my shoulder. I turned around to find Jacob grinning.  
I screamed again. "He's come to haunt me for the rest of my life. I killed him!" A big, hot hand covered my mouth.

"Shut up Bella." Jacob laughed, but I could hear painful edge in his voice. "I'm not dead. You didn't kill me."

"But I shot you... in the chest." I turned around and scanned his body. There was a hole in his shirt that was soaked with blood. "See. You're dieing. You need help."

"Bella. I'm not dieing. I'm a werewolf remember. I just need to get this bullet taken out and I'll be fine. I'm actually very lucky. Two inches over and you would have struck a major nerve cavity."

"Well, that makes me feel so much better." I mumbled and looked over at Embry who was on the floor laughing his head off. Literally, rolling on the ground.  
Then I smelt the blood for the first time. "Oh, boy." My knees buckled.  
Embry sat up and wiped tears from his eyes. "Wow Bella. Just wow. We are never going hunting with you again." At that**,** I started blackening out. The smell of blood was just so odious. I couldn't take it and found an escape in the blackness of my mind.  
When I woke up, I was in a familiar cramped little house.  
"Morning Bella." Billy's voice said from behind the couch I was put on. "What happened**?** They said you just passed-out. Is everything okay? Are you feeling sick?"  
I shook my head and smiled. I hadn't seen Billy in over five years. I saw him once in the supermarket store last Christmas break. It was awkward though. We saw each other, he was in the meat section and I was in the cereal isle. I waved and he smiled back. That was it. And here he is, being so nice and considerate.

"I'm really fine Billy. Thanks for caring."

"Well, if you weren't, the vampires would have us by our necks."

"Oh," was all I could say.

The door banged open. "Bella!" Embry punched into the air. "You're back! Great. Perfect timing. Come on. Hey, Billy mind if we use this?" He held up something black. "Thanks. Come on, Bella. It's tradition. You'll want to see this." He grabbed my hand and led me to the car and we drove to the cliffs.

"What's going on?" I said in a shaky breath. Sweat still clinging to my face from the fainting.

"It's a werewolf tradition. When one of us get seriously hurt for a stupid reason," I frowned as Embry said this very pointedly at me, "When that person heals we all jump off of the cliff in the sea. That way, we know that if he is still hurt and justlying about it, and because it's just a lot of fun."

"What do you mean**;** you'll know if he's really not healed?" I opened my door carefully.

"Well, it's sea water, salt water, we'll know by the screaming or the tears building up."

"That's awful." I shot at him.

"No it's not. It's awesome. Come one. You're going to jump with me." He smiled at me crookedly.

"What no... no, I'm not. This is your thing."

"Move aside boys!" Embry bellowed as he picked me up and barreled passed the rest of the pack. "Jump Bella Jump!" Then he flung me off of the cliff.

Don't try this at home.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH- (Splash! gurgle, gurgle, gurgle)" I landed... and it hurt... hurt like hitting a wall of cement... and it was cold. They just threw me off the highest ledge here! My heart restarted just as someone pulled me to the surface of the water. "AHHHHhhhhh..." I finished my screaming.

I looked at who was still holding me. Jacob.

"Thanks." I said and meant it. "So, I guess, you're okay, right?"

"Absolutely not." Jacob winced in pain. "This salt water really isn't helping my wound." His face crunched up in agony but was able to pass it off as nothing.

"Sorry." I whimpered. "I'm so so sorry." Jacob put a finger on my lips.

"You don't have to apologize for anything. I deserved it." He admitted it.  
Yeah, that's right.

"I'm the one that's sorry Bella." Jacob bowed his head. "I should've been able to contain my emotions better. I wasn't mad at you. I was mad at that leech... ah... Edward, right? Yeah, well, sorry. You love him." It wasn't a question. "But... I'd just wish you gave me a chance."

Then he did something I would never think possible from anybody. His lips crashed onto mine and stayed there for four seconds, until he realized that I wasn't in to it. Then backed up and looked ashamed and yet slightly proud of himself.

"Thanks." he whispered. "Thanks for not shooting me again."

"No problem." I said roughly. My attitude towards Jacob was getting worse than before. "Take me back to the shore." I commanded.

When I was dried off and was not shivering so much anymore, Embry took me back to my house.

"So, how did the hunting thing go for you?" Seth said from the back seat.

"Not so great. I got what I didn't want. Unfortunately, that was the only thing that I could hit. And it's not good enough." I whispered, staring out the side window.

"What? You hit a dog or something?"

"Yeah, Seth. Something like that. I just hope he stays down."

Bella Swan's 13 Thing's She's Never Done: #11 Kiss Someone else - Finished. (Again, she didn't kiss back, which Alice and Emmett don't think count, but they figure this is as good as it's going to get.)

# 6 Cliff Jumping - Finished (Even thought, technically she didn't jump, she was thrown but, it still had the same results. She free fell from a cliff into the sea.)

* * *

Yeah, not one of my favourites. And I promise, no more Jacob. I pinky promise. But I liked how she actually shot him. That made me happy. So, if you are feeling down I suggest you all write about how Bella or you shot Jacob or did other horrible things to him. It made me smile. It's sure to make you smile as well.

Okay, most of you agreed with me with the first chapter of Breaking Dawn, so that inspired my new poll. So, go and check it out now. Yupperdoodle, um... what else, what else... oh, um the next chapter should be good ole fun. Oh and I would like to know how many of you are expecting a lemon? Cuz I probably won't do one, but...

Review like the wind.

- Rosalie


	19. McFun & McRetard

"She did what?!" I couldn't help but almost yell at Edward. "She kissed you, just like that? And you let her? How could you, I mean, we were just-" Edward placed a finger on my lips as he grinned my grin.  
He opened up his mouth and said, "Hypocrite." He closed his mouth and the grin returned.

"What is that supposed to mean? OH... well... I... he ..."

"He kissed you, just like that?" Edward repeated my words calmly. "And you let him? How could you? I mean..." He smiled and kissed my cheek.

"Are you not mad that he kissed me?"

"No. Well, I'm a bit jealous but tha-"

"That's stupid, you get to kiss me all the time, he's jealous of you." I stated and leaned further back on my head board.

"I know. He's insanely jealous. That's why he's getting off so easily. When your jealous, you can't have whatever it is your jealous about. That's why I'm actually glad this happened. And well, I'm also not mad because... well, you did shot him." A smile lit his face. "I can't be mad. That's the best news I've had in over forty years." His smile was now plastered on his face. "That just makes me feel so proud."

I didn't feel the need to correct him, that it was just an accident. I sighed. I would probably never be able to live this down. What's worse, is that I didn't care. I'm glad I shot him.

"Okay, that's fair. But what about Amber? I mean... she wasn't jealous, she was delusional."

"That's the same thing." He whispered in my ear. "Now get some sleep."

As if my eye-lids were controlled by Edward's voice, I shut my eyes, suddenly exhasted of the days events. I willed sleep to come to me**,** but the harder I pulled the farther away it got. It was like those dreams where your running towards something**,** but you can never run fast enough. Except that in your dreams you're asleep... and I'm not.

Right when I was about to fall into the darkness of welcoming sleep, I faintly heard Edward say, "When does McDonald's open, I wonder."

XoXoXoXoXox0x0x0x0x0x0x

"You've got to be kidding me?" Edward stared at the amazingness which is the McDonald's playhouse. Red, green, and blue tubes ran all over the patio to the unjustly popular fast-food chain. A cubby hole besides the red slide had an animated sign above it telling kids who were too young to read that the cubby hole was for their shoes. Beside the cubby hole was a cardboard cut out of a miniature Ronald McDonald, with his arm extended, saying that no one taller than this height could play.

I sat on a chair with the rest of the gang. Emmett didn't want to miss this and got Jasper to come and Rosalie and Alice eventually came just to talk to me about wedding plans. As if I actually could concentrate on that while my fiancée was climbing like a monkey and bouncing in the pool of multi-colored balls.

"See guys." Edward turned around. "I'm too tall. It's illegal for me to do this." He was making excuses. In case you forgot, this is number four on Edward's list. Play in the play area at McDonalds. Oh joy.

"Oh, no Edward see?" Emmett came over and held the card-board picture of the weird freaky clown higher up. "See Edward, you are just right." He moved it till Edward's messy hair was two inches under the arm of Ronald McDonald. "Just right. Now get cracking." Just as he said that Ronald crumpled under his hands. "Oops... you guys didn't see that. Wow, they don't make these like they used to."

Edward stared at me. What was I supposed to do? Tell him that he could do it and give it the best he could then offer him a lollipop? I smiled and waved him off while Alice and I had discussions.

**_EMPOV_**

Edward was a little reluctant at first**,** but he started to embrace his inner child as he climbed up the slides the wrong way and lifted up the balls like money. A smile crept up his face with a slight hint of mischievousness.  
"Hey, Emmett. Bet you can't climb to the top tower while staying on the outside, before I can slide up and down the green slide twice." Edward called from around a padded foam pole that was holding up the tallest tower.

"You're on." I grinned. It was a bet and I couldn't pass up a bet no matter how crazy awesome it is. It would take me about... meh... maybe two to three seconds to do this without breaking anything.

"On your mark!" Edward called from the entrance to the slide.. "Get set! Go!"

I jumped on the red slide... carefully, then swung around to the rail thing for one tower**,** and then I grabbed underneath the webbing and crawled like that until I got to one spot where I was able to jump and swoop up onto the outside of the tower wall and from there the roof.

"Done!" I boomed. I looked for Edward who just came out of the slide with a frown on his face.

"Okay, let's do that again. This time you have to stand over there." He pointed to the furthest wall away.

**_JPOV_**

I've never seen Edward act so retarded. It was embarrassing. The only reason I stayed was because his feelings... I've never felt him feel this way. It kind of made me home-sick for something I can't remember. I guess... childhood.  
He felt like a kid opening a box of Crayola crayons for the first time or a little boy at a baseball game and getting one of those #1 foam fingers. Or a little boy getting ready to pick on some poor unexpecting little girl. It was strange. I've never seen Edward this way. He was always so uptight and stiff. Always so serious and deep. But now... well, it's kind of freaky. It smells in here. That might be a reason it's so uncomfortable. It smells like little kids and little fat kids and human food. But Edward is so interesting right now.

"Hey, Jasper!" Edward and Emmett called from the ball pit. "Come on!"

I shrugged. Why not?

**_RPOV_**

It's not the first time my brothers and husband have been idiots.  
My reflection in the window is surprisingly accurate. A little faded**,** but what can you expect from a fast-food window.

Oh my goodness. My husband did not just do that?  
I stared around hoping no other girl saw Emmett lift his shirt up to reveal his sexy torso.  
"Back, off. He's married." I barreled my teeth at an unsuspecting worker. She had a confused look on her face, but I could see through her. She was checking him out. I know it. Don't lie to me. I see all.

Something hit me in the back. "What the crap was that for?" I stood up holding the shoe somebody through at me.

Edward grinned around the corner of the blue slide. Crazy, gypsy, mind-reading, bastard.

**BPOV**

I am surrounded by crazy, bi-polar vampires. Edward and the guys goofing off in the bubble window, Rosalie growling at every girl that happened to pass, and Alice trying to convince me that Chinese Acrobats at my wedding would be a unique experience. Ahh, this is my life. And I love it.

* * *

The ending is coming up on me really fast. I'm kind of stalling with the next few chapters. But they are good. I promise, not icky, blah chapters. I like 'em. Plus, they still have another thing to check off before the big two.

So, I'm wondering if I should post the next two chapters out today, or stagger their realse a bit. So, do you want it staggered? Or do you want them today and tommorrow? It's not the ending but it's close. But, if you want them sooner you'll have to promise to review on them all. You can't just read it them and then review on the last one. You have to review on each one. Okay? Okay. That's a deal. So, whatever. I don't care one way or the other. Now or later?

- Rosalie

ps. Review like the wind.

pss. check out my poll!


	20. Test Failing Time!

"Almost done Bella. Stop picking and fidgeting." Alice spoke.

"Alice, isn't this kind of unnecessary? I mean, normally, people take the measurements and then fix the dress when the person leaves." I said, feeling very uncomfortable as Alice went at vampire speed with a needle and scissors, very close to my skin.

"Pish-posh, Bella." She waved her hand and continued her needle work.

I tried to look down at my wedding dress to get the picture of what it looked like on me**,** but Rosalie's hand snatched my chin..

"Don't you dare."

"You guys are completely unbelievable. First you do alterations, while I'm still in the dress! Then you don't want me to look at it? Isn't it the groom who isn't supposed to see the dress? You guys are more impossible than Edward." I shook my head.

"Did you need anything?" Edward poked his head in at the mention of his name.

"GET OUTTT!! OUUT! OUUT! AND STAY OUT OF OUR MINDS!" Rosalie and Alice shrieked.

I giggled, which was a mistake. "Ouch."

"OH, sorry, Bella. Stop moving and I won't stick you."

This all very much sounds like torture, but who was I to judge? Just a poor helpless victim bride to be of a vampire.

"Okay, all done!" Alice smiled to herself.

"Alright, can I see myself now?"

"Absolutely not!"

I grumbled**,** but auguring wouldn't help anything except raise my blood-pressure. Which wouldn't help anything anyway.

"Can I come in yet?" Edward moaned from the hallway.

"What's the password?" Rosalie shot at him.

"Fluffle-smofogus."  
"Nope." Alice smiled.

"What? When did you change it?" Edward sounded baffled.

"Times are changing Edward. Plus, Emmett killed Fluffle-smofogus a long time ago." Alice said simply.

"Puff the Magic Dragon?" Edward guessed.

"Dang it." Alice grumbled and opened the door. "Alright, she's all yours. Well, not literally, because you aren't married. But if you were the phrase would be totally acceptable, then yet again, I think that human rights would diffe-"

Edward grabbed me before we could listen to anymore of Alice's ramble. He walked downstairs with me in tow and opened the door, glancing upstairs to Alice's room.

"She's just excited." Edward smiled that warm hearted smile that was completely irresistible. As usual, my troubles melted and I was left wondering about Humphrey Bogart.

When Edward drove past my house I finally asked, "Where are we going?"

"To fail a test." Edward smiled.

Oh, chicken potatoes.

XoXoXoXoXotime-travel0x0x0x0x0x0x

"Bella? Is something wrong? What are you doing here?" Charlie called from a room in the police department. I snickered.

"Did we catch you at a bad time?" Edward asked knowing full well that we interrupted Charlie from a poker game with Mark.

"Um... no, no not really. Is there something I can do?"

"Well, Bella's here to take the Investigator's License Test." Edward smiled.

"Oh, that would explain..." Charlie was about to say, that would explain the tan trench coat and dark, Agent Smith glasses I was wearing. Well, I wanted to look the part even though I'm here to fail. Nancy, the front desk, led me back to a room. Normally you would have to work so many years as a police officer in order to take the test, but being the crazy daughter of Charlie, I was okay. It's not like I was actually going to make it.

I turned to Edward, who was playing with the blinds. "So, what are you going to do? What test could you take that you wouldn't be able to pass?"

Edward shrugged. "I really don't have a clue."

I shook my head and walked into the room with a number two pencil in my hands.

XoXoXoXoXoXo-time-travel-0x0x0x0x0x0x

"So how do you think you did?" Edward asked as we left the station.

"I have no clue. I didn't even read the question's I just filled in the bubbles in a certain pattern. C.B.A.D.C, or whenever I feel like it I'll throw in an A instead at the end."

"Sounds like a very accredited theory." Edward smiled.

"Yup. So, what test are you going to do?"

"The Abercrombie Sales Assistant Test."

We drove for about thirty minutes to Port Angeles, when the car stopped in the parking lot; I was able to loosen my grip on the arm rests.

"Hey, be careful, I just got those reupholstered."

I grinned ruefully at him and we skidded into the mall. Everything smelt like cheeseburgers. I loved it. And hated it because I was still technically a vegetarian. Edward guided me to the second level towards the middle, where Abercrombie's domain was.

A very perky girl wearing a brown, knit sweater and low-rider jeans with stylish brown and pink sneakers walked up to us. When she got closer I could see glitter on her face.

"Hi, my name is Ashley**, **do you need any help?" She said in a squeaky voice.

I wanted to retort that we just came in and that the only help we need now is help for our I.Q. levels.

"Yes, actually, I posted my application a week ago and received my study packet and now I'm ready to take the test."

"OH! Are you Ronald Ranky?"

"Yes." Edward said smoothly without laughing.

"Alright follow me." She smiled and walked Edward to a room with the words. Employees Only, which were colorfully written in sharpies.

Eight music videos later Edward emerged and smiled at me mischievously.

We thanked Ashly and walked out of the store. "So, you think you passed?"

"Absolutely not."

(Exerpt from Edward's Test:

What is your marital status? Why? Are you offering?

When was the last time you updated your driver's license? Forty-five years ago... don't worry though, I'm excellent at forgery.

How many clothes do we normally stock annually? Why are you asking me? I don't work here.

If a costumer is being hard, what should you do? Hope and pray that they aren't gay and gunning for me.

If you find an article of women's apparel in the men's side, what should you do? Slyly take it away... then put it on and dance.

If an employee asks you to do something, what should you do? Pretend like I care then hide in the locker room until quiting time.

If you can't reach the top shelf what should you use? I find this question unnecessary. Next!

If a kid starts making a wreck of the store, what would you do? Make a roaring sound and tell him that I'm going to eat him if he doesn't stop... then I'll hit him with the pole that I should have answered with in the previous question.

How many times a day do you dream about your career? I don't want to talk about it. Next!

When was the last time you shopped at this store? You know, who about I ask you ridiculous questions and see how you like it!)

"Absolutely not." Edward murmured again then smiled at me and rounded a corner and into another store.

Bed Bath & Beyond.

"Pick out something." Edward said, while we walked down different aisles.

"Why?"

"It'll be a wedding present from me." Edward had the cutest little smile to match the happy light in his eyes. I really hated to burst his bubble.

"Edward, anything I get in here would essentially be useless if I'm going to be vampire." I declared and Edward's face fell... momentarily.

"Oh, I think there might be something you would enjoy." He grabbed my hand and ran, slowly, into the bedding section. "What about 1000 count cotton? Or, pure silk sheets?" I blushed and giggled as Edward tromped through the bedding area. "Oh! How about this." He held up a tiger patterned item. I looked at it thoughtfully.  
"Hmm... no. Those are the pillow cases. Not the sheets." I tried to hide my smile**,** but couldn't. Edward hopped all around looking for the animal print sheets while I laid on a display bed laughing and yet trying to contain my laughter. I couldn't get Edward to stop. He was determined to get the animal print sheets. For some reason I don't know. As he asked the sales worker, I looked like I was having a ceaser smack-dab in the middle of the store. Edward was being so weird. I couldn't help**,** but think he would probably be very kinky...

He came back to me very depressed. "They're out." He slumped onto the ridiculously small bed with me.

I didn't want to say anything in fear of laughing very rudely at him. After a moment of silence I was able to collect myself. "I'm sorry Edward. Let's get the 1000 count cotton sheets instead. I'm sure those would be more comfortable." Edward nodded.

"Okay. But let's get the red ones."

"Alright, Edward, we'll get the red sheets." I patted his shoulder, the laughs getting ready to takeover again. "But you do realize that... oh never mind." I shook my head and smiled as we also picked out the zebra printed comforter.

* * *


	21. Stalling and Two Weeks

t was all very dark, but behind my eye-lids I couldn't feel light far away.

"Bella, it's time to wake up." A voice I was not expecting said to me from across my room.

"Alice? Where's Edward?" My voice sounded groggy from sleep as I flipped the comforter off of me.

"Silly Bella, Edward's not supposed to see you till the ceremony today."

I thought really hard on what she just said, but none of it was making any sense to me. Too early in the morning I guess.

"What on earth is that supposed to mean? I want to see Edward!"

It was quiet for a moment, Alice thinking of how to approach the subject. "Bella... do you know what today is?"

"It's the day where I don't get to sleep in apparently." Grumpy, morning Bella, when she doesn't get her coffee.

Alice laughed. "Bella, you have to get up so we can get all the bridesmaid's hair done at my place."

"Alice..." I said still not quite getting it. "What on earth are you talking about?" I sat up and looked at her.

"Bella, you're getting married today." A bright smile lit her face.

I stared at her as fear flooded in. "Oh no I'm not. I'm going back to bed." I dug back under the covers, gripping on to them with all my might. It couldn't be my wedding day! It just couldn't.  
I heard a few laughs coming from Alice, and somewhere else...

"But..." I started. "Aren't we supposed to have like a rehearsal dinner and all that?" I sat up again.

"We did Bella. Don't you remember?" A smirk was on her face. "Oh, that's right, you invested in some gin. That's why you probably don't remember.

"Oh." That would make since. "But wouldn't I remember the wedding rehearsal, I mean, that's kind of hard to forget, right**?** Oh sugar fried chicken. This is not cool. Not, cool not cool." I jumped out of bed, finally coming to terms that today was actually my wedding day.

Alice cracked up, along with others.  
I took a moment to stare at my east wall, where Emmett, Rosalie and Edward were standing.

"Edward get out! You can't see me until the ceremony!"  
But they all kept on laughing.

"What?" I was really confused. Where's my coffee. I can't function properly without my dose of legal addictive stimulants.  
I heard a rattling somewhere on the floor and I looked under my cabinet were a frightened kitty, with hair completely on end, had dug its claws into my wood floors. It's whole body shaken. I stood up slowly, taking in what I saw.  
"I don't think Sausage likes you guys so much." Another burst of laughter.

"Okay, will, someone have mercy on me and tell me what the bacon is going on?" I stared at Emmett who wasn't breathing and Rosalie chuckling like a fool. I realized, I have never heard Rosalie chuckle. I kind of wish I never had. It was scary**; **she needs to get her laughing box checked out. But Edward smiled lovingly at me, "This was a cruel joke guys." He said to the others. "My love, I'm afraid that it's tomorrow that we get married. We just wanted to freak you out a little."

My mind was still reeling with the fact that it was tomorrow that I would unite myself legally, spiritually and bodily to Edward. Where did the time go?

"You family has all come in and are going hiking with Carlisle right now." That was sight seeing in the Olympic Peninsula. "The rehearsal is at four o'clock and dinner at six. I would suggest you get some sleep**,** but**,** I don't think you can after that." Edward rubbed my shoulders, which only made them colder, but I still enjoyed the touch. My body came to life all of a sudden. Everything was clear. Wow, I didn't even get my coffee. I stared at Edward's caramel eyes, wondering what he must have looked like with green eyes; I couldn't see it. I'm sure he looked very handsome and perfect as always, but I couldn't see it. I smiled as I realized he was staring the same way at mine. I wondered if he was thinking if my eyes would look wrong the color his are... or maybe eventually he wouldn't be able to see me with brown eyes once my vampire eyes took over my appearance. No, I thought, he would always remember. He's a vampire.

"Get a room!" Emmett hollered. I snapped out of it and realization hit me that Alice, Rosalie and Emmett were still in here.

I retorted. "Well, this is my room. So you get out!"

Edward smiled and turned to Emmett grabbing him by the waist and chest and making the motion of throwing him out the window. Except that he actually did. I would never be able to comprehend vampires... until I am one, I guess.

I shook my head, dispelling the worry for Emmett. Alice followed Emmett, while Rosalie walked out the door.  
XoXoXoXoXoXo

"How did this all happen. Weren't you just playing in McDonald's? How did two weeks pass so quickly?"

Edward looked at me funny. "It's been torture these two weeks. They just trudged on like molasses. I thought I'd never live to see my wedding day. Every minute seemed like a day of waiting and every day a month and every week a year or two. But it's here at last."

"Well, where have I been living? Did somebody drug me and that's why everything seems so fast?" I pulled the covers over me again.

Edward laughed and shrugged. "Well, I have to go find Carlisle right now. They should be leaving right now, and I've heard," He tapped his temple. "That they want to meet and see me. Oh, you have some mail. I'll see you later, my love. I'm counting every mill-second." He kissed my check and dashed out the window.

Why do they jump out of my window? I have a perfectly good door...

"Come on sausage. I'm taking you to Jessica." He meowed hopefully from under my dresser drawers. I don't know how he moved. He poked his head out then ducked back in. "Fine. I'll get your box first."

OxOxOxOxOxOxOx

Sausage was safely secure in his box, so I put it on the counter, as I went to go check my mail.

There was a big manila envelope addressed to me. I managed to open it without getting a paper cut.

"Dear Isabella Swan,

Congratulations. You have been accepted into the Detectives Corps of the East Coast. You have exceeded our expectations on the Investigator's License test. With such outstanding knowledge and skill - we've heard it took you only five minutes to complete, a world record - we want you on our side as quickly as possible. Your resume is quite interesting and we would also like to congratulate you on your marriage. To hold an appointment please call the number at the bottom."

There was more**,** but I couldn't take it. I didn't know what to think. Surprise? Anger? Gratefulness? I decided on hilarity. I started laughing, and laughing and laughing. I was on the floor with a massive pinch in my stomach.. It hurt**,** but I couldn't stop. I actually passed with flying colors. I didn't even read the questions! HA! Shows the system. Then I abruptly stopped. I wouldn't be able to finish the list. My books! All my books!

That sobered me. No, this was not good. I couldn't do this. I had to finish! Esme opened the door.

"Come on, were all going to watch some movies at our house."

I looked at the time. 11:00. I thought it was a little early for watching movies, but I guess they all wanted a little more human time with me.

I wanted to cry as Esme drove Carlisle's car back to their house. But the thought of the movie Homeward Bound cheered me up. But in the back of my mind I thought of ways to find a test to finish.

As we walked through the door, the kids were all glued to the TV, watching the old Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I smiled, knowing that I was the one that got them hooked to that show.

Emmett and Edward turned to look at me, one to watch me move, the other to see if I would fall.

"See guys, I actually use a door. It's a little more practical in my opinion."

* * *

AN: Yeah, I don't feel like writing anymore. I'm sorry to say that my creative mojo is running dry, and I would love to hear some of you guys's ideas. I need them! I hate to ask this of you guys. So any twist, line, scene, something! Would be very much appreaicated. If you do... you get a invisible lazy-boy chairs.

Thanks, and review like the wind.

- Rosalie

p.s. Everyone at least write down in the review, **Chicken Potatoes!**


	22. A little stunt

_**Amber's note: Ok so Rosalie went on vacation...I have been really busy. Therefore I am updating for her when I get around to editing the chapters she has written out for me to post! Ok, So I guess leave LOTS of Reviews for when Rosalie gets back!! AND Review like the wind for her!!**_

_**Amber Is A Jasper's Girl**_

I love that movie!" Emmett groaned into a pillow, if human, he would have been crying. "Poor little doggies!" He wiped an invisible tear off his check. "They are so brave."

Out of the corner of my mind I saw Jasper roll his eyes, what I couldn't see was the lightening speed throw of a pillow.

"And the cat!- it was just all so-"  
WHACK!

"Hey." Emmett was out of his puppy loving ramble. "Who threw that? They are going to die!" He roared and stood up. Jasper watched the credits silently, paying no attention to Emmett, but a smirk grew on his lips.

Emmett hit him back. "Pillow fight!" The girls all screamed and slammed into the nearest pillow. I laughed and was about to grab one when an icy hand caught mine.

"You need to get out of here. It's going to get very dangerous." Edward, the party pooper, ran me up to his room, smiled then left for a few minutes to enjoy the fight.

I slummed down on the couch, literally twiddling my thumbs. Then I looked at all the CD's Edward had collected over the years. I wasn't surprised to find a record player and an 8-track hidden under the table that held his speakers and boom box, or whatever they are calling them now.

Edward entered the room five minutes later, his hair disheveled and a happy grin on his face. If he was a normal teenage boy I would have that that he just...

"Okay, it's safe. In a couple of minutes I'll take you back to your house." A sly look entered his eyes, as he smiled, like he had a brilliant plan. He grabbed my hand, then my back, then my face, and head, as his lips sucked on to mine.

Five minutes, eight groans, two hickeys, and one undone button later, we sat up on Edward's couch and breathed heavily, as Alice opened the door.

"Are you guys done? Good. I'm going to pick out your out-fit, Bella." then she closed the door again and walked away.

I stared at the door, trying to focus. "No, 'Hey Bella, mind if I pick out your out-fit?' or 'I would like to pick out your out-fit, Bella.' Unmannerly vampire..." I mumbled as I slowly rose from the couch with Edward right behind me.

"Holy smoking carrots! What happened?" I stared horrified at Edward. "Did someone break in or something?" I stared at the four broken lamps, upside down couch, upturned chairs, and a broken coffee table. The wall art was either crooked, on the ground, or shattered. The in-tables were no where in sight, unless... the shrapnel on the carpet was where the end-tables once were I winced, my coke must have spilled all over. Sure enough, a streak of dark stain on the carpet told me that my once delicious coke was now a floor accent.

"So much carnage." I whimpered. "What happened?"

Edward stared at me and smiled. "The Cullen's versions of a pillow fight."

I didn't want to find out anything else. I just hopped over the broken glass that was in my way, which was a bad idea. Me and jumping don't mix. Thankfully, Edward I do. We mix like chex. I huffed as Edward's arm latched around my waist to hold me up.

"It's a good thing. Your clumsiness. If we didn't find you so funny, we would eat you up right now." He joked and kissed my neck.

"Thanks." I dragged out as Alice tapped me on the shoulder.

"Come on! I have to get you ready for the rehearsal." She pulled me upstairs to her and Jasper's room.

So, now I need a rehearsal for the rehearsal? It makes since, if you were me.  
When Alice closed the door she turned to me with a wicked smile. "You're a genius, Bella. No one especially Edward will know. It's great!" She hugged me. When she backed-off she opened the door. "Okay, let's go."

"Wait, what?" I looked down only to realize that somehow Alice had completely changed my out-fit without me knowing. Vampires. Can't live with them, can't keep your own clothes on.

Okay, so I don't feel like spelling out everything that happened at the rehearsal, so here are the highlights.  
Emmett walking down the isle with Rosalie on his arm asked if he could stand with the bride and Rosalie with the guys. I was a bit sketchy on what his reasons were but he insisted upon standing next to Alice, who was my maid of honor. Well, when Emmett insists on something he just does it. So when they got to the stairs he pointed for Rosalie to stand next to Jasper and he strode up next to Jessica. The choreographer nearly had a melt down; it was so cute with his French accent.  
"Mister Coleen! Am afraid you mus... ahh, you do realize that you ar on dah won side?"  
I giggled, the funny part was that nothing changed. Emmett is now supposed to stand with the brides-maids, but he sure is heck isn't coming to the bachelorette party.  
When I came in I walked to quickly, just wanting to get it over with, but no. We had to do everything perfectly. I still walked to quickly, which made me stumble, so in the end, it all balanced out.  
I wanted to cry when I finally got to Edward. I couldn't believe this was actually going to happen. It's just so strange, it couldn't be real. As we left, a tear of joy slide down my face.  
Then at the rehearsal, oh dear, my mom got drunk. Usually that's okay, but at the diner she was already high on tender emotions. So, of course stories of me when I was a kid got told and re-told.  
"And then when she was five, no when she just turned five, I gave her the knife to cut the cake. I don't know what I was thinking. Chubby fingers, bad hand-eye coordination... but alas I gave her the knife and of course she sliced her finger. Blood went every where, which of course made Bella sick, she turned green and threw up on the kid next her." She laughed hysterically for ten seconds. "She was still inhaling bleach for the next two hours to get the stench away. Oh, good times. Good times. You know, to this day, that kid's father won't say a word to us." She nodded her head and drank some more wine.  
That's when the idea struck me. I ran over to the bar and got some tequila. Edward raised his eye-brows reproachfully but I whispered my intentions in his ear and he laughed and said, I should go for it.

Three shots later I was stone cold drunk. I didn't know where my toes started and where my hairs came from. The Cullen's laughed at me and my normal friends laughed at me. What can I say, I'm an entertaining person. But apparently my folks weren't so impressed. Especially when Alice said that we had to go, the bachlorette party started in thirty minutes. I don't know what I did after that except give Edward a huge wet kiss, which he didn't wipe away. And next thing I knew I was in the car, piled in with Jessica, Angela, Alice, and Rosalie, headed off to who knows where.  
When I got out I remember Alice pulling out a bag that looked very familiar but I couldn't place my finger on it.  
"Where are we?" I asked, not meaning to be so loud.  
Alice hushed me and pointed to a nice brick house in a suburban neighborhood. "This is Amber's house."

It took me awhile to remember who Amber was but when I did I turned to her with my eye brow raised. "What's in the bag?"

A wicked smile spread on Rosalie's face as she tossed me a roll of toilet paper, that I tried to catch two seconds late.  
Greedily, i picked up the roll, Angela and Rosalie also got one while, Jessica, who didn't understand my need for silly revenge on this girl, but was happy to grab the zip-lock bag of thousands of little pieces of paper. The kind that you get when you use a whole-puncher. Alice got one two.

As Angela and Rosalie, who were tall enough to reach some high tree spots, stretched toilet paper around the trees and bushes, I TP'd their mailbox, and Alice and Jessica went at it with the billions of paper. They wouldn't be able to pick that up to save their life.  
When all of us were out of things to roll with, Alice reached in the bag of goodies, which I now remember when Edward and I completely trashed the high school, and she pulled out a jug of dish wash stuff.  
She explained that when it rained, their lawn would be filled with suds. And as this is Forks, it was likely to be all squeaky clean in twenty hours at least. At was all fun and games until Isaac came out. Then it became hilarious, as we dove in the bushes breathing heavily, secretly having to pee, and watching Isaac's face fall and screaming to Amber.

We did other stuff, like they gave me presents, mainly lingerie and other sexy stuff like that. I was too wasted to blush... or maybe I was permanently blushing through the whole night.  
When Angela and Jessica left, Rosalie handed me the keys to her car.

"I would say be careful, but that would just be a waste of breath. So, instead. I shall say, get caught!"  
Alice slid into the passenger seat and I stumbled in the dark trying to find the door. When I got in Alice helped me find the key-whole. I loved Rosalie's car. But right now it reminded me of a giant red jelly-bean, which made me a little sick to my stomach.

"Go!" Alice practically yelled. And we were off. I'm not sure how fast I was going, but it had to be fast because I couldn't see anything. But then again it was really dark. The numbers on the dashboard were blurry.

I drove and drove, not really having a destination. Alice took control of the radio and started singing very noisily to a creepy hip-hop song.

"You got me tripping! Stumbling! Slipping! Tumbling. Clumsy 'cuase I'm falling in looove!" Alice sang out. It made me giggle and that made me start swerving, though I'm sure I was doing that before.  
(Never, ever, ever, ever in you entire life, do this. Or I will kill you. DUI is very bad. My cousin who is only sixteen has to go to trail for it, and she is suffering the consequences. So, just look at this as an example of what not to do. Okay, keep reading.)

When the light's started flashing, I thought that I was going to die, for some strange reason. Or maybe I was giggling, thinking the blinking lights were pretty, either way I kept driving, and Alice kept singing completely aware of the police car on our tails.  
Then she stopped and told me to pull over.

I giggled hysterically as I rolled down the window. "Hehe... rooolling downe the vindow!" I mumbled in a sing song voice.

"Bella?" A slightly familiar voice called out.

"Yup?" I answered and turned to stare at my father. "Whoops."

"Are... are you drunk?" His eye-brows twitched and he looked mad.

"That's not what your supposed to ask first. Your supposed to ask if I know why you pulled me over." I hicked up'd.

Dad sighed. "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

"Yup. 'Cuase I'm drunk." Alice's eyes bulged and she made a no sigh. "I mean, I'm not drunk. What are you talking about? Who said I was drunk? Let me get a shot at 'em."

Charlie stepped back and took a deep breath to gather his thoughts and strength. "Bella, will you step out of the car please, and admit to Breathalyzer test?" His voice was monotone.

"No! Do you know who I am. No! You don't. I'm an almost official investigator for the east coast (hicc up) that's who. Who've no right to-" Dad opened the door and pulled me out.

I heard him mutter. "And she didn't have her seat-belt on."

Then he proceeded to stick a white tubey looking thing that looked like an inhaler.

"Breath into it Miss." He said roughly.

A few minutes later. I finished number eight. I failed a test.

"Bella, I'm going to have to arrest you for DUI." Charlie sighed and pulled out hand-cuffs. That's when Alice interceded.

"Charlie." She smiled. "Oh, I don't think you have to do that. Why waste all of the gas. First you have to drive her there and come back and then I'd have to go there too to get her out. Wouldn't it be better for the enviroment if I just paid the bail now." She pulled out a wad of fifty-dollar bills and put it in Charlie's belt. He put the hand-cuffs back, intoxicated by the money and Alice. "Keep the change." She winked and got into the driver's seat, while I threw myself into the back.

Charlie was stunned at the amount of money and pretty much everything at this point. Even his hand confused him. He waved half-heartedly as we pulled away. Well, I didn't pull away, I was already asleep.

"Happy wedding, Bella." Alice muttered as my eye-lids fluttered to a close.

**A/N: Ok so Review like the wind for Rosalie!!**

**Amber is A Jasper's Girl**


	23. A wedding is the end

_**Amber's note: OK so there isn't an epilogue left!! This is it!! I hope you guys have liked the story!! Leave Rosalie more reviews!! Review like the wind!!**_

_**Amber is a Jasper's Girl**_

The music started playing and dad tugged on my arm. Show time.  
I took my first step with my left foot and then my right. I wanted to close my eyes because I could feel all the stares from everybody. Their faces made me finally realizes what I was giving up... but then I saw Edward and I knew what I had to gain.

Left foot. Right foot. Left foot. left Foot. Whoops. "Ah!" I breathed as I came tumbling down to the flower peddled walk-way. I instantly stood up, hoping that it wasn't as bad as I thought it was. "I'm okay." I mumbled and continued my walk with dad. I think he was chuckling softly to himself. Emmett grinned from his spot between Jessica and Alice. It looked so weird that it was almost normal. And Rosalie looked totally at ease between Jasper and Carlise. She's just one of the guys really. (sarcasm)

And Edward. Oh, Edward was perfect beyond words. I can't even describe my emotions even if I had Jasper to help. We didn't do our own vows. I told Edward that I wouldn't be able to get it right and I wouldn't be able to talk if I did. So we just went the the normal. I heard sniffs and cries and laughs, probably aimed at Jessica, with her strange looks every now and then at Emmett, and I felt nothing, but joy and a little nervousness. But all I saw was Edward.

"Do you, Isabella Swan take Edward Cullen to be your lovely wedded husband?"

Had this really gone that fast? Wow, where have I been.

"I do." A smile lighted my face and a tear of joy escaped my eye.

"Then, by the powers vested in me. I now pronounce you, husband and wife." He looked at Edward. "You may now kiss the bride."

Edward smirked and held my head in his left hand. "Till death do us part." He whispered. "And much longer after that." then his lips gracefully pressed into mine for a second or two.

I faintly heard cheering and clapping in the back ground and even a cat call. I didn't really pay attention. All I saw was Edward. All I want is Edward. All I need is Edward.

I didn't trip going out, Edward was there to balance my imperfection.

XoXoXoXoXoXoxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

I stayed far away from the the alcoholic beverages at the reception. I'm glad I didn't have to do much. I was kind of in a daze, everything was surreal. I barely noticed Emmett slyly eating a fork, or Rosalie trying out the icing on the cake... only to spit it out immediately.  
The best man and maid of honor went up to make a little speech. Jasper and Alice said some really sweet things that I can't remember now. Something about all the good times we had trying to get Edward to dump me and Jasper said something about Edward trying to keep me. They talked more, but everything was a blur. I remember a second cousin of mine coming up to me and saying it was a lovely ceremony, I replied. "Was it? What was it like. I kind of missed it."

She explained that the white and yellow flowers were marvelous. The light brown wood in the chapel was perfect and the preacher guy had a good strong voice. Like we were really married. Yeah, we are really married. I still can't get it through my head. But she said Emmett was a distraction, because he kept making funny random faces whenever the preacher said marriage.

I got lots of hugs from people I don't even know, who apparently know me, but that must have been in another life, no matter how many times they tell me they are my mothers cousin daughters aunts. Who invited them? Billy Black came. But thankfully no one else from the tribe came. He smiled at me and patted my hand, telling me I was very beautiful. I smiled half-heartedly as he wheeled away.

Edward had tapped me on my shoulder and nodded in the direction for the exit. I smiled and nodded, understanding his tacit hint.

I walked up to my mom and dad. "We're getting ready to leave." I smiled and sat down at their table, which was decorated with white and gold on top with brown plates.

"Oh really?" My mom sounded sad. "Here, have a turkey sandwich before you leave."

I looked at it greedily. I could take it. After all the game was almost over. "Nah." I shook my head. "I'm not much of a meat eater." I kissed my parents on the check and grabbed my bouquet of flowers.

As if on Que all eligible women at the reception came onto the floor. I laughed and turned my back to them, getting ready to throw it.

"One, two, three." I let my hands fly. And just my luck, the flowers went the exact opposite way and landed in the punch. Everyone erupted in laughter.

"Bella, I thought the object was to throw it to the girls." Jasper laughed.

"Hey, punch can have a chance at marriage too." I blushed and thankfully Alice lent me her bouquet as a replacement. Thought it wouldn't be the same, it's tradition.

I didn't count this time and just tossed it. I turned around in time to see Jessica jumping up and down with the flowers in her hand. Her younger brother came up to her and took them out of her hand and threw them on the floor. _**AN: that happened to me(Rosalie not Amber)**_

We all laughed and somehow I found myself in Edward's arms on our way out. Everyone was standing and applauding, blowing bubbles at us.  
I saw all the faces and smiled. I'd never see any of them again most likely. That made me a little wistful. But I was ready. My new life was too tempting. I kissed mom and dad one more time before sliding into Edward's Volvo, which had cream wrap hanging off the end. I guess that was the new tin can.

"Where are you going?" I had asked.

"Where are we going, you mean." I smiled at his correction. "Some place where we can finally be by ourselves."

Ourselves. It would never be you. It would never be me. Or her or him. It would be our and us. We were married.

I guess I'm warming up to the realization now. Staring at Edward's closed eyes as he absorbed the moonlight, strengthened it. His smile is apparent. He looks like he's sleeping, but I know better.

"What are you thinking?" I whisper, crawling up to him.

He stares into my eyes, a twinkle in his eyes. I bet he is thinking about what just took place in this lovely meadow of his not fifteen minutes ago.

Opening his mouth slightly, he says. "I was wondering how things would have gone if I stuck around with Ahaj." He laughed and I punched him in the stomach.

"Haha." I rolled my eyes, and grabbed myself, feeling very cold after the heat that I just created.

"Okay, I was thinking," I raise my eye-brows at him. "If you're going to stick with the magazine column you have."

"Of course." I smiled.

"Oh, I was just thinking that an investigator might be more fun." He smiled. Where did this sense of humor come from. Oh yeah. The crazy girl he married.

I sighed and rolled back to the ground. "At least we don't have to worry about perverted thoughts and burned books anymore."

"Thank goodness." Edward kissed my neck, parting them slightly. He pulled away and looked at me seriously. "Are you ready?"

I stare straight into his eyes. "Now? Shouldn't I... I don't know, put some clothes on?"

"If you want to." Edward shrugs. "I prefer you the way you are." His smile lit his face.  
His head bent down again to my neck.

Bring! Bring! Bring!

Edward's cell phone rings. He groaned and went to find his pants which held his phone.

"Alice?" Edward's voice was rough. Alice must have been talking very fast.

"What?!" Edward's eyes widened. He closed his phone and he pressed his hands to his forehead, as if to get rid of a headache.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"I didn't spend twenty-thousand dollars." He groaned. Just then his phone beeped, meaning it was midnight.

"Oh," I breathed.

He looked up at me sorrowfully. "In appropriate thoughts for eternity." He shook his head realizing the depth of his punishment.

I smiled and laid back on the ground. "What a great summer."

_**Amber's Note: OK leave lots of reviews!! Even if they just say 'welcome back' type them!! Thank you bunches!! I've had fun updating this story for her!!  
Amber is a Jasper's Girl**_


	24. Not a chapter just a Chat

Hey guys! What's up? Hows your summer going? I'm almost chocking with anticiaption of this Saturday! Sometimes I can't breath I get so excited. It's like Christmas all over again. Okay, just wanted to say: 1- you guys rock and I miss all of your wonderful reviews: 2- This story has been nominated for the Twilight Fanfiction Awards and voting begins the 4th. So if you liked this story please vote for me. You'll all get invisible cokes and cookies from me. (a little bribery never hurt even though it's an odd combination); 3 still don't know how the other contest has turned out. That'll be at the very end of this month I guess. I'm crossing my fingers on that one too; 4 I want to know if you guys would be interested in the third installment. I've been trying to come up with some things and I think I've got something, but I just want to know how you guys would feel about it and whether Bella should be vampire or human during it. Okay hint if I do go with it: Bella takes up the offer of Private investigator and her first client believes that there was foul play in the suicide of her brother. Do you want it? It'll be much shorter than the other ones. I'm kind of getting tired of the whole fanfiction thing,; 5 speaking of getting tired of this whole institution, for those of you who have read, Don't eat the Casseroll it's Full of Gunpowder, I need someone to adopt that story. I love the idea of it and I think it's great but I just don't have the patience to get that done. So if you've read it and read the book it was based off of and would like to take a crack at it message me. It's up for adoption.

Okay, that's all. Miss you and may you have many invisible milkshakes. Don't forget to vote!

- Rosalie

p.s I want to say review like the wind but it doesn't apply here. lol


	25. author notes

I hope you can all understand that I won't be able to write anything twilight related for awhile. It feels insulting after reading the final book. I just need to cool off. I hope you can understand and sympathize with me when I say this story is being put on hold till I get over the Twilight Saga is over.

Thanks!- and I hope to be reading your reviews as soon as I can.

- Rosalie

p.s. I'm done with the book and I'm desperate to talk about it! I feel closed in at my house where I can't say anything without risking idiotic stares or threats to shut up and don't spoil it. So msg me if you don't mind my ramble on...(thinks better to spoil something) ahem, ahem... stuff.


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